I'm sitting in a Starbucks near Clio's school eating oatmeal and waiting for my cold medication to kick in, hoping my chai will restore my voice which I inexplicably lost overnight, and staring down the pile of work that is due tomorrow. What better time to put a life update out into the world?
For the past month, our future plans have once again been on hold. I had applied for a great-sounding position in Minnesota before we made the Big Decision to move to Boulder; I had heard through a connection that the position was on hold until the next year's budget was approved, plus I didn't technically have some of the major requirements for the position, so I kind of put it out of my mind. So of course, no sooner had I posted details of our Boulder plan, than I got a call to come for an interview. I got the message during dinner one night--I was a little sick then too, and really tired--and I just started crying. I always find it interesting to get sort of sideswiped by something to see what your real gut reaction is; in this case, I was surprised to find myself so emotional about having Minnesota suddenly within reach. So we decided I would interview, and figure it all out from there. If nothing else, if I didn't just go see then it would always be "the one that got away," and I would always wonder (and possibly resent Boulder).
So off I went, and had a lovely, if very quick, visit with my family, and a very promising 2-hour interview at the Children's Museum. It was clear to me that they were grappling to define this position, and that they could take it in a couple of directions; for one direction, I would be great, but for the others I didn't make any sense. It was an education position and I have no formal education background, much less early-childhood education. It is an institution and I have no institutional experience. And it had a community partnership component, and I would be new to the community.
I loved the interview. I haven't really been on a job interview in almost 10 years, and it was empowering to have someone very interested in me despite the obvious lack of qualifications. And I really liked the woman I met with, the vibe of the Museum, everything. But at the same time, talk of systems and structure and institutional politics made my throat close up a little, begging the question: do I really want to go back up this road? Didn't I quit my job to pursue other avenues? (Of course, this is a shifting, on-going debate, and I'm sure there will be some zigzagging over the next several years as I seek the right balance.) I came back to NY and waited for the call. Dave held back on Boulder plans. I avoided the calls from the Montessori school there. And held my breath.
And she didn't call when she said she would.
And about two weeks after the interview, I said to Dave, maybe I don't want this after all. Maybe I am panicking (finally!) about the economy, about my prospects for a job I will love when we eventually land in the Twin Cities, about what I will do in Boulder, about a big gap in my resume. Maybe I am scrambling to get back on a road that I know, that I can navigate with skill, even if I'm not happy traveling its contours.
Well, he said, this guarantees you'll hear from them tomorrow.
And I did. And I didn't get the job. They need someone with early-childhood education experience. With institution experience. With community experience. She said she just kept looking at my resume, and I like to think she was hoping these things would materialize. But of course they didn't. From her perspective, this is not the time to take a big risk on a critical position, and as an administrator, I get that. But it's funny: I feel like I'm back at that place I thought I was in in December, when I first quit my job, or March, when I left it, and I wrote about risk taking and being brave. I'm so glad I decided about that job before it decided about me, because in the space of those two weeks--from interview to final call--I feel like I finally claimed Boulder for myself, as an opportunity to step so far outside of myself that I will, hopefully, not be tempted by the same old roads and will instead head into uncharted territory.
So I called he Montessori school back and made an appointment for June 23. I'm about to book our flights out there, and set up a time to look at some rentals with a broker, and contact the folks that friends and friends of friends have been kind enough to put us in touch with out there. Then I'll use the contacts another colleague gave me for people who might need books edited, see if they might want to work with me. And then I'll think about what I want to write.
What a long process this has been; and it's only just beginning.
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