1. Invite yourself. At the last minute.
2. Allow your hosts to arrange--and pay for--your transportation.
3. Arrive early enough that alarms must be set in order for your hosts to greet you; make sure that at least one of your children is sick.
4. Pack light.
You may think that I have forgotten things when looking at this photo, but no. The baby carrier, diaper bag, formula, and toys are all inside the suitcase. Genius!5. Allow your toddler to gorge herself on grapes and olives for lunch. Make sure that someone else is holding her when it all comes back up. While you're at it, go ahead and let your hosts clean up after her and do the laundry.
6. Speaking of laundry, make sure to create a LOT of it. If the guest bathroom has lush white bathmats, you might want to see if your toddler can miss the toilet just a little while she pees and hit one instead, and if your baby can spit up on the other while you are at the sink.
7. Destroy something. For example, your baby might choose to gnaw the designs off the top block in a cute vintage set of cardboard nesting cubes; your toddler may be inclined to rip open a beanie baby or two.
8. Since it's a holiday, allow your hosts to create the requisite gifts and activities (easter basket, egg dyeing, egg hunt); people enjoy spending their time and money on other people's children.
9. Insist that someone else document all the charm and happiness that you have brought into their home.
10. Write a tongue-in-cheek blogpost about your visit making you appear ungrateful for your hosts graciousness, good will, and help with the kids and gear (when really, of course, you are thrilled to have fun and generous family near by, and can't say thanks enough to Aunt and Uncle Easter Bunny)!
1 comment:
That was one of the funniest things I've read in a long time. That either means you're really funny or that I don't read much these days...
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