Oops

We did something rash.

Eleri's hair has been a total rats nest ever since it passed the one inch mark, and lately she has often been seen pushing her bangs out of her face. So we decided to cut it.

There's a bit of a history with the salon. The first time I took her she had such a strong reaction (it was a busy day and I think she just got overwhelmed), we couldn't even stay. The second time I used every trick in the book to get a successful haircut, which I reported on here. It worked, but we were modest about the whole thing, just having them clean up the edges rather than going for the pixie cut we had discussed at home.

So today I took a picture of the rats nest


But also the lovely curls


Before heading off to the kiddie salon to take it short.

I didn't expect her to freak out in the salon, since it was very quiet there today and since the last visit went well. She did, though. She did freak out. So I let her have the lollipop during the haircut, and she sat in my lap. But still there were tears and struggles and a lot of resting her head on my shoulder- not the ideal conditions for a new do. And you know what? Fearing a bigger meltdown, I rushed the whole thing. I said lets go short, and the moment the stylist made the first snip, on the TOP OF HER HEAD, I knew it was going to be terrible and that it was too late. And there is nothing worse than sitting there and watching those lovely curls fall to the floor when you know suddenly and very clearly that it is a mistake.

The result is too short. It makes me think of this other freakout when we took Clio short, and how she looked like such a different kid to me. In the end, that haircut suited Clio, and we have maintained it since. Eleri's short hair makes her look boyish, and baldish, and makes her cheeks look big. Not biggish, but huge! I've been wondering if I should admit how I really feel about it. What I will say is that I have a sinking feeling in my stomach, knots, butterflies, whatever, and that I keep replaying the morning with different results. I've been talking lately about how cute she is now, how I want to pause her right here, so you would think that aharicut that makes her look like her baby-self again would somehow be a god thing, but it's not. It feels like a weird step backward, like she looks like the person she was, not the person she is.

Even the stylist knew it was bad: she told be in a compensatory tone that SHE had haircuts like this all through HER childhood (she now has long hair), then suggested--almost insisted--that we put a bow in it. Nope, I said. She won't wear bows or barrettes or anything. That's why we wanted to cut it short in the first place. She seemed surprised when I paid and told her to keep the change- amounting to more than a 20% tip. I just needed to get out of there.

Here's the thing, though: Eleri doesn't seem to care. And it will be much easier for her- no hair in her face, no rats nest for me to comb through in the bath each night. In about a month, I bet it will be grown out just enough to have some softness back, and maybe the curls will start to reemerge. For now, I'm kind of glad it's sunhat season. And I have a feeling that, as I did with myself after shaving my head in college, I will be compensating by putting Eleri in dresses and frilly shirts and sweet patterns every single day. I love that she's a little tomboy, but I'm not sure I need to correct people when they think she is an ACTUAL boy.



And caring about this makes me feel like a bad mommy.