Sunday, May 9, 2010

Namaste

I've been staring at a blank post for a while now, checking my email, reading other mother's day blogposts, both by friends and strangers out in the blogosphere. I sit here, tired, selfish, happy. I want to share it with the rest of you even as I want to keep it all for myself. At yoga last weekend, we were asked to set an intention for the class, and before I could even pause to consider, a word popped into my head, both spoken and written (in gold sparkly letters, if you must know):

peace.

Many years ago I spent some time in New Mexico, on my own, before heading off to graduate school. I did a lot of hiking in that time, often alone on the winding trails through the sandstone landscape, and I remember finding peace in those walks, whether from the exertion or the solitude or the vast magnificence of the sky or the particular combination of all three is hard to know. When Dave asked me what I wanted to do for mother's day, it came to me as clearly, if not as quickly, as the gold-spangled PEACE: I wanted to go hiking in El Dorado Canyon, probably my favorite place that I have encountered since arriving in Colorado last August. I thought about requesting a solo hike, seeking the solace of those New Mexican days, but of course the life I led then does not exist, and what I wanted today was a family hike. Clio wore a velvet and taffeta Christmas dress and stopped every few feet to collect rocks and chattered for every single second and she was just perfection. Eleri eventually wanted out of the backpack so Dave took her back to a less rocky trail and by the time we caught up again she came running for me, like first thing this morning when she let herself into my room and woke me from my mother's day slumber and in both moments she shrieked "Mommy!" with all the delight it takes for a person to forget to be mad that the sleep-in has been cut short at 8am.

Sitting by the creek after our walk eating fruit roll-ups with the girls and throwing rocks into the water to watch them go PLONK I thought I was experiencing the best Mother's day yet, and I realized that the last three years I craved escape from my life as a mom: a day of shopping, a trip to the movies, a break from the very reason that I am celebrated on this day. Today, at lunch with my husband and girls in a restaurant where good music is in abundance and yahtzee is always possible, I found myself so happy to escape WITH these people I love so much, or, even better yet, to not escape from anything at all, but to be in my life and to be at peace.

The afternoon of three surprise spa treatments, a return to a clean house, and a dinner comprised of all my special requests was just gravy.

2 comments:

Agnes said...

Picturing Clio in her dress on a hike has me hysterical. I'm so glad you had a great Mother's Day and are at peace. We think about you guys all the time.

Melissa O’Shaughnessy said...

What a lovely post, beautifully written, as always, but so keenly FELT. Happy Mother's Day!