But my brain is awash in influences that are, ultimately, less optimistic than that, like an article on Cormac McCarthy that paints his apocalyptic vision in the pulitzer-prize winning novel The Road as inspired by his 9-year old son, and concern over the world he will grow up into; or Meryl Streep in Rolling Stone talking about the conflict in the middle east in terms of women's issues, and the problem of equality in radical fundamentalism; or the idea that the balance of power in this country has shifted in such a way that a woman's right to choose might once again be imperiled; and I think, for all our "progress," what a complicated time to be a girl.
And what a complicated time to be a woman: I am often relieved that I don't "have to" be a stay-at-home-mom; that a career is not a choice between a few support roles but instead a smorgasbord of possibility. Then, I am also sometimes frustrated that I don't just "get to" be a stay-at-home-mom, because while equality invites Dave to share in the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing, it sometimes feels as if it requires that I share in the bread-winning. The thing is, even if partners split up their responsibilities even-steven, women will always have different burdens. I just saw an ad for a new show on VH1 called Scott Baiao is 46 and Pregnant, with a ridiculous photo of a faux-pregnant Baiao filling a kiddie-pool from a hose. This is such an old joke, but the truth is, men will never know what it's like to go to work pregnant and nauseaus, or to pump in the bathroom while holding the door closed with their foot, or to try to command respect in a presentation while their belly twists and turns with the antics of the little parasite they are busy growing at the same time. I forgot how hard pregnancy is- biology played its little trick on me- but men can never know. As I learn that it's even harder the second time, when your already-complicated life has the added joyous burden of a person who depends on you for everything, I realize that I have the escapist privilege of going to work during the day, where at least I can close my door, lay my head on the desk for a moment, and have a few minutes of peace.
Like men, as a career girl I may never know the trials and tribulations of the full-time-mom, but from where I sit, in this in-between position, it looks like the hardest job on earth. I have the utmost respect for the women I know who do it so well.
With the idea that progress moves us forward, Clio should have all of my choices and more, but I have a feeling that might just make her life even more complicated than mine, and I'm not sure I envy her that future.
Whatever she chooses, I hope her decisions bring her joy and wonder, as she so often brings me. And I hope she will continue to have moments as simple and pure as this one:
And who knows, maybe this next baby is a boy.
2 comments:
Are you going to find out what you're having?
I meant to comment on this a long time ago but time got away from me. Anyway, I recently finished "A Thousand Splendid Suns" which is about a woman in Kabul from the time the Russians invade until present day. It's largely about what it means to be a mom and a woman, and sometimes a working mom, within that society. It's a great read and tangentially related to what you wrote. I was kind of appalled when it dawned on me that there are vast numbers of women today that don’t have the choice we do. It seems archaic. But as you mentioned there is a whole bag of worms with that choice, and I think it's a delicate balance making it all work. It’s an issue that will be discussed and hopefully dealt with within our culture as more women make their way into the workforce. It’s pretty shocking that there are now more women in college than men (in the US). I def think corporate America will need to change to accommodate their (our) needs.
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