Pity Party's Over (with apologies for the indulgence)

Nothing like a full day at the hospital to get back on track.

I mean this sarcastically, of course; losing several work hours yesterday and all of them today did not do much for working out my schedule stress and deadline issues. But I also mean it earnestly, and I'll tell you why. (Everyone is fine, by the way.)

Much of the trouble yesterday had as much to do with the lost time and the logistics of making a return trip to the Doctor as it did with the emotional impact of a sick child; however busy or stressed you are, that's just out of whack. Even at the Doctor's office last night, I asked point blank how many visits we might be expected to make this week, and expressed concern for the amount of time Dave and I have both been out of the office because of the kids lately. Our Doctor looked at me a little strangely, even (or especially) when I said something along the lines of "I mean, of course we'll do everything we need to do; I just need to wrap my head around the schedule." Similarly, this morning when Eleri's breathing continued to retract and the Dr. instructed me to go to the emergency room to get her chest x-rayed, I quibbled a bit over the trip into Manhattan, etc.

But somehow, at the hospital, something a little bit wonderful happened: I got to spend the entire day with my baby. No email, no phones, no TV, no distractions. Just me and Eleri in a private little room in the ER, hanging out. (Despite the labored breathing she was as happy as can be; I think she was equally delighted to get a full day with just her mom. She made a ton of friends, and I've never heard such fawning about how cute she is, or what a good baby.)




And so I remembered that kids are not in our lives to make it more difficult ("The World Is Testing Me (And I'm getting a failing grade)"); I remembered that it doesn't matter if you're parenting as well as any other parent, so long as you're parenting well enough for your kids ("Keeping Up With The ...."); and I remembered that our schedules are crazy because we want to do everything possible to make our world a good place for our kids to be.

Tomorrow, when I can't deliver the strategic plan that is due and I haven't done the readings for the class I'm teaching, I will undoubtedly begin to panic once again. (I notice I'm holding by breath again just thinking about it.) But that's okay. I knew that this fall was going to be one of the hardest periods of my life, and that when I come out on the other side I will be glad to have done it all. I know it is not sustainable, and in a few weeks or months I'll have to make some decisions. For now, the holidays loom large, and they'll be here before you know it. And we'll all breathe it in.