Oh, Baby

So, I've been a little worried for the past few weeks about how Clio will take the major life change that is coming her way: the introduction of a new sibling. We've heard plenty of stories of the resentment: my aunt Molly trying to smother her baby brother Jim with a pillow while he innocently rested in his crib; my cousin Ryan trying to cart baby Connor out with the trash. Even Clio's own Grandma said over thanksgiving that the oldest never quite gets over it.

I alternate between sadness that Clio's protected status as the center of our universe will be drastically altered, and the joy I have at the thought of the kind of adventures siblings will have together, and the way they will teach each other how to operate in relationships in this world. Everyone says that your capacity to love actually grows with each child, but what I'm really worried about is time: there will be no more hours in the day, just twice as many children to love and nurture within them. (well, actually, a few more- since we'll be sleeping a lot less!). How do you make enough time to develop relationships with each person in your family independently? How do you carve out special time for each parent with each child, not to mention for parents together without children, to remember that they are grown ups with common interests outside of the small people they brought into the world?

These are the things I've been thinking about. So much so that I considered starting another blog, secondpregnancy.blogpot.com, to air my thoughts in the weeks before this pregnancy went public.

You know what though? I'm reassured by Clio's interest in mothering her own dolls. Over Thanksgiving in particular, she spent a lot of time feeding them from a toy milk bottle, tucking them in, and shushing everyone when they were "sleeping." She carries them around, puts her shoes and bibs on them, and reads them books. This seems to be a good sign. (On the other hand, I reently witnessed her pushing a smaller child down at day care when he got in her way. She hadn't had a nap and was very tired, but still.)





My cousin Jesse and his wife Catherine are expecting their second child in June as well, and their daughter Mira (adorable photos just a click away, in the links list at right) just turned one. Catherine asked me if Clio knows about the new baby yet, which she doesn't- it seems awfully big and complicated and abstract- and, maybe, threatening. But I'm constantly amazed at how much Clio understands, and a new friend in my mom's group, Janna, did give me hope on this front. She has two daughters herself, 2 years and 9 months apart, and gave me some great advice about bringing the baby into Clio's world: once I start showing, we'll start talking about "our" baby, in a way that makes the addition something that joins us all together, rather than making Clio apart. I love this idea: so simple, so natural, but maybe not so obvious. "our" baby will enrich not only our lives, but certainly- mostly- Clio's, too.