First Day of School- Before

I had so much to say earlier, as I dropped forms off at Clio's school and took her shopping for a back pack and lunch box. But then I got caught up in grocery shopping and dinner preparation; and I discovered a new job resource for Denver jobs, with a listing for a GREAT job with an application deadline of TOMORROW, so we've been tearing the house apart looking for my external hard drive, which has all of my resumes and pertinent career information on it so I don't have to recreate all my materials from older versions. And I made the mistake of drinking a beer before all of that.

So.

Tomorrow is Clio's first day of school, and while she did go to school last year, it was just two half-days a week, and instead of a simple, straight-up first day of school there was an elaborate phasing-in period that was experienced by me in the blur of maternity leave and the sleep deprivation associated with having a 2-month old. So this feels like Clio's real first day of school, and I'm struck even more then when I first saw her in her new booster seat by how big and how little she is, all at the same time. A few things to note:

1. She tells me she doesn't want to go to school, that when we get there she will say, "No Mrs. Walters, I don't want you!" and that she will close the classroom door and run back to me and get in the car. I think this is just the anticipation talking- I can report back tomorrow.

2. I am suddenly aware, in planning for Clio's lunch and packing it in her carefully-chosen lunchbox, that this is the first time Clio will be declaring herself in a peer-situation. I find myself worrying that Boulder kids and Montessori kids do not carry such commercial items as a Disney Princess backpack (and lunch box, and thermos, and sneakers), and try to reassure myself that Clio's love of the Disney Princesses (despite having never seen most of the movies they star in) is reason enough to embrace her choices. I wonder what other moms pack in lunches, and if Clio will covet her neighbors juicebox, gummy fruit snacks, or cookies; does a 3-year-old understand the idea of individual meals? Mine has been eating the same chicken tenders and frozen vegetables as her peers at day care for a long while now. At the grocery store, I found myself buying things I normally don't - individual applesauce containers, deli meat- so Clio can "fit in."

3. I'm a little sad that Clio will be away from us all day, every day, starting tomorrow. It's been kind of fun to have her around, accompanying me on my various errands, entertaining me in the aisles of Target, causing strangers in my path to smile in my direction when they catch sight of her light summer dress and furry moon boots.

4. Tonight as we did "big day," I told her that when I started school, when I was 2 1/2, my mom was so worried that I would be sad and want to stay with her, but that, when we got to the school, I simply let go of her hand so I could wave to her, said "bye mom!" and walked cheerfully into the classroom. My mom was so distraught my this, she says she just stood there, sort of whimpering, "don't I get a kiss?" When I finished the story, Clio asked me to tell it again; I agreed that I would, tomorrow, on our way to school.