Clio Confidential

One Hundred and a Million

2011-12-15T11:25:00.000-05:00

This is Eleri's preferred quantity.

As in, "are there one hundred and a million trees?"

Or, "What if I had one hundred and a million fingers?"

(Clio's answer: "you could pick up a LOT of things!")

This is one of those sweet things that you think you will always remember. We can't count on memory, but we can count on blogs.

Strange Fruits

2011-12-08T13:04:00.001-05:00

Dave likes to bring home unusual selections from the grocery store. The girls absolutely delight in pomegranate seeds, starfruit, and the like. (Isn't it amazing how much is available now? To think that I ate my first mango in College!)

The latest choice? Pumello.

I missed the party, but love seeing these silly photos of the games one can apparently play with pumello skin.

Breakfast with Santa

2011-12-05T11:18:00.001-05:00

Saturday morning, Clio and I went to the Breakfast with Santa event at my high school. Eleri was not interested. There were many discussions about where Santa would eat, and clarifications that he would not actually sit at our table and eat with us. Instead, he spent his time on photo ops.

I am 100% in love with ours.

Turns out Clio will have her photo taken, so long as the person wielding the camera is a professional.

First BK crown

2011-12-04T18:45:00.001-05:00

The girls love McDonald's. With toys in the happy meals and a huge indoor playspace, who could blame them? Every time we drive by, Eleri announces "Old McDonald's!" On our road trip for Thanksgiving, they also discovered Burger King, and suddenly Eleri has noticed there is a Burger King near our house, too, and announces it as we go past. Burger King!

Five Great Grandaughters

2011-12-04T18:43:00.001-05:00

And one more on the way for Dave's cousin Amy.

Perhaps ironic for a life-long farmer.

Ruth and Eleri Ruth

2011-12-04T18:41:00.001-05:00

I'm finally going to try out my friend Sara's method of family blogging: a picture, a small snippet, peppered with the occasional marathon. I need some sprints.

Over Thanksgiving, we got down to Springfield to visit MaMa, Dave's grandmother. I love how proud she is to introduce Eleri as her namesake.

Girls Who wear Glasses

2011-11-03T01:09:00.000-04:00

Almost a month has passed. Again. More than that since Clio got her glasses. Now it's normal. So normal, in fact, that when she is NOT wearing her glasses, I do a little double take because she looks different to me. Isn't that funny? Glasses-free for 5 years, then 5 weeks of glasses and somehow my Clio-picture resets.

Here's the thing, though: the eye exam? That was a big day. It was not too long after the start of school, and I remember all of the first-day of kindergarten photos on facebook, all the weepy stories from my dearest mom friends sending their babies off. I didn't get the kindergarten thing. In Montessori, your 5-year old year is the third in the same classroom. It's your leadership year. While it is a big deal, it isn't a hard change. In fact, here in the Peterson household, I was just so very glad that Clio got to go to the same school for a second year in a row. Out one night out with a new friend from book club, I started to understand: kindergarten is when you send your small child on a big, new bus, off to a big, new school. It is the year of major transition, from being home or in part-day preschool to the beginning of your elementary career. As Maria put it: there are BIG KIDS there.

This is sort of how I felt taking Clio to the eye doctor. She hadn't done very well on her routine screening at her five year check up, and they recommended getting a full exam. Not wearing glasses myself, I didn't quite know what to expect, and I was surprised by the number of tests and the sophistication required from children in participating. Clio was great. But up on the big chair, she just looked so, well, small. And because we BOTH didn't know what to expect, I wasn't able to prepare her. (I didn't know just what it would be like on the bus.) But Clio is Clio and of course she was cooperative and helpful and, while tentative, also super smart about the tests. The Doctor said she gave lots of responses and they all actually made sense.

Here's an interesting thing I learned: apparently kids have a very strong focusing function--so strong, they tend to "focus through" any issues with their eyesight. Once the Doctor determined she would need a prescription, he had to dilate her eyes to paralyze the focus function to see just how strong a prescription she would need. The drops were the problem: they stung, and Clio was surprised. She cried, and for once I sympathized, understood these were real tears, not dramatics, tears of physical discomfort, of distrust, of losing her tight grip on her reserve. We had to wait for the drops to work, and spent twenty minutes in the waiting room, where there are no children's books. So I read her the funnies, but of course she couldn't see the pictures well, and I realized how grown-up comics really are. So many layers to try to explain to a five year old, a child who is whip smart but does not have a foundation in adult situations, work scenarios, or the like.

Clio needs a strong prescription. She is farsighted, like her father, which means--I keep needing to remind myself--that she has trouble seeing things close up. All of a sudden, I see so many images of her making art over the years, nose inches from the paper, sometimes head on the table. It is the first time I see this for what it is--I never suspected. For days after the exam, I wondered what she was seeing. Marveled at the fact that this was simply the world to her, and she didn't know it could look better. Or different.

After her appointment, they gave her kid-sized foldable glasses, and with her leopard print coat and purple patent leather shoes and sharp bob, she totally looked like a pint-sized old lady in Florida.

We had a celebration lunch, her choice. McDonald's is always her choice, I think because of the toy in the Happy Meal. And the chicken nuggets. We went to the one in Uptown because it was near the Glasses Menagerie, and boy are there some crazy characters at the Uptown McDonalds. Clio just pushed the tail on her Hanna Montana plastic dachsund, spinning fortunes in tween-speak. Like the comics, Clio has no basis for Hannah Montana, but she thought the dog was hilarious, the saying the best.

At the glasses store, we were the only customers, and Clio insisted on blue glasses. Her favorite color, she said, though to my knowledge she has never chosen blue for anything in her life. Except sometimes for her cup at breakfast, but that is mostly just if Eleri wants it. All of the glasses went in the "maybe" pile. The process took a long time because Clio was, as instructed, so very, very careful taking off each pair of glasses, folding them up, setting them on their arms. She chose clear frames with pale blue arms adorned with rhinestone flowers. I let her choose, 100%. I liked that with these, you could see her face. I didn't even realize I was worried about that: seeing her face. I was wondering more about a lifetime of something between her face--her eyes--and the world. What it would mean to have glasses when she was 12, or 18, or getting married. Because my mind works like that, you know.

We went back to McDonald's, for ice cream sundaes. She was so excited for her caramel, but it, like the eyedrops, turned out to be an unhappy surprise--something not at all what she expected. But the ice cream was good.

Two days before we went to pick up her glasses, she said she didn't want them.

The day before, I got a call from school after lunch. Clio had thrown up in the lunch room. She was resting in the office but needed to go home. I worried that it was an omen. Or just a bad sign, somehow. That she would associate her glasses with being sick in the lunch room. That it was an inauspicious beginning.

When we went to pick up the glasses, the store was crowded and it took a long time to be helped. I had misunderstood something about the pricing on frames for her second, backup pair, and got upset. I felt stupid, new to all of this, to glasses, to a child with eye exams. Which is silly, because my husband wears glasses. My brother has always worn glasses. When my mom described the park and ride stop where we were to meet them for the state fair, the picture came to me: Oh, the place we used to go to get Rory's glasses? I can't have been much older than Clio when those visits started. Picking up her glasses, Clio was most excited about the case. I may have arranged for one more celebratory dinner, but I already can't remember for sure.

The first day or two, I kept waiting for a big change. I wondered if Clio would suddenly have a break through in reading, or if she would literally see things differently, and exclaim at the world. She didn't. She pushed the glasses up her nose a lot, or looked over the tops, to leave the world how it had been. She forgot to put them on in the morning, or to take them off before pushing her face into my shoulder, crying, or laughing. But now they are pretty normal.

She let me take her picture.

She drew a picture of herself, a girl who wears glasses. I've been meaning to scan it, to post it here. It's a keeper, for sure.

I felt so emotional about my little girl in this big world. I guess I got the kindergarten experience after all.

Minnesota Landscape Arboretum

2011-10-09T21:24:00.003-04:00

I've decided to do my best to at least get photos up here as we manage to take them (now BOTH girls run shrieking when we take out the camera). There may not be lots of words or stories or reflections. But you'll get the gist.

Deal?

We've had some remarkably warm October weather, and today we took advantage and headed out to the arboretum. We covered about 300 yards of the huge place. There was a used book fair, and we cleaned up (literally dozens of books for a total of $4. Are you proud, Barb?) There were pumpkins and gourds to see, and scarecrows to photograph (both Clio and Eleri took a turn with the ginormous camera, promting lots of predictable but sweet comments from passersby: "a future photographer, huh?" "Maybe she'll be rich and famous someday!"). There were educational activites that included leaf pounding to transfer colors, an experiment (with beakers and everything) about why leaves change color, leaf crowns to sew, corn to dig, and some crazy little camera that made the pores on my skin look disgusting but cool.

Observe.

The Great Minnesota Get Together

2011-09-20T13:59:00.003-04:00

The State Fair is a pretty big deal around here.

I don't consider myself a "fair person," and I don't totally get what people DO all day every day if they go for repeat visits, but I consider it a tradition and the girls seem to like it.

On the very last day of the run, off we went to the park and ride to meet the Nonners and Papa. The fair report is, so far, kind of the same each year. So rather than a full round up, here's what was new and notable.

New rides. (Brave girls.)

French Fry bucket and classic rock for a little morning snack.

Little Farm Hands

Eleri chose not to participate. Clio got to ride a tractor, dig up "crops" and trade them at market for a little stuffed sheep. Eleri wanted the sheep, too. Valuable lesson learned about commerce? Maybe.

Papa procured this inflatable Kemps cow. He claims it was through his power of persuasion. Others think he paid for it. Jury's out. Girls love it.

Clio carried him the rest of the day. Papa named him Milky Way.

Along the way we also checked out the Fine Arts building, watched a troop of drummers, ate ice cream, chicken nuggets, and cheese curds, petted baby animals, and just missed the horse show and some lumberjack pole climbing. Maybe next year.

The biggest deal, perhaps? No strollers needed. I forgot it in the trunk when we got to the park and ride just as the bus was going to pull out, but everyone did just fine. These are some big, big girls.

A Room of One's Own

2011-09-19T20:50:00.000-04:00

We are very lucky to have a nice house with plenty of space. The girls have an awesome room and lots of space throughout the house dedicated to them (including a playground in the basement.) And yet, they are always carving out their own little spaces around the house.

This might be my favorite. They have taken to listening to the Beauty and The Beast soundtrack on this little old boombox, and they like to set up a pair of chairs facing it, as if they are watching something.

So sweet.

Oh, Summer, Where Did You Go?

2011-09-19T10:52:00.002-04:00

Last Monday it was 90 degrees. We spent a lazy day swimming and flipping through magazines at Nonny and Papa's house. Two days later, frost. Just like that, summer was over. Nothing gradual, no reprise in Indian Summer, just: fall. Winter feels imminent. I put the down blanket back on our bed, and was not too warm. I'm not ready. All of a sudden I'm having visions of shoveling mountains of snow, of bundling everyone into insufficient layers, of hibernating for six months, just when we're ready to get out there and do some things.

Most of the summer was lost to this blog, too. I didn't take nearly as many photos of our family as I usually do. Used to do. Partly because the girls just scream at me when I get out the camera, partly because I just got lazy, partly, I'd like to think, because when I was with the girls this summer, I was WITH them, and not hovering above to record and remember. That's a good thing.

I never got around to describing the girls' birthday party, which started as a disaster and ended in great good fun. Coming out of a government shutdown, we didn't know if our desired venue--the north commons water park--would be open. Turns out they were (yay!) just not at the hour we specified (boo!) So we lost several people along the way, but ended up having a marvelous picnic with two families, including self-frosted cupcakes and presents. As we were about to wrap it up, we decided to hit the waterpark instead just as they opened, and the kids were in heaven. Not bad for the grown-ups, either, with the two huge water slides for us, too. We wrapped up at our friend Silo's house for pizza. A long, wonderful day.

We went camping with the Harringtons. It was perhaps the most humid weekend of the year. There were trains that ran so close to the campground I could swear they were barreling through our tents. And there was an insane lightning and thunderstorm that wind whipped the tents and sent fear through my fingertips: what if the lightning strikes the tree we are camped so near? What if it runs through the ground, drawn to our metal tent poles? We were in separate tents, Dave with Clio, me with Eleri, and that sweet girl slept right through. IT lasted 45 minutes. when it was over, another train barreled through. You know what though? The campground had a lovely beach on Lake Pepin, and we spent most of the time in the water. Despite everything, the girls loved it.

We spent time in the garden. And drawing with sidewalk chalk. And visiting the local playgrounds and water features. Minnesota has a LOT of amazing pools and wading pools and sprinkling devices. A LOT. Especially for a state that freezes over for half the year.

The girls went to Grandma and Grandpa's when I went to NYC. They always have a great time with the kittens.

It's always so weird to wrap up a season in a post. It always feels both forever ago and just like yesterday. That will never be revelatory, but it will always be true.

School has begun. Leaves are changing. Life moves forward.

Coming Home

2011-08-29T22:09:00.000-04:00

Dear Daddy,
You come home tomorrow. When I started writing this, we had a few days to go, and Clio had started counting the days until your return. Not much to count now. In fact, you must be traveling already, though the time difference confuses me. It is tomorrow there already, but you are moving backwards through the time zones and will arrive here 3 hours (and something like 24 hours of travel) after you left there.

Eleri sometimes forgets, still, and thinks you are at work and might join us for dinner.

We have been pulling the house together, not that it got out of control while you've been away, more preparing for the fall and back to school. I'm trying to get organized. The kids are decorating the sidewalks with chalk. The garden is wild: sunflowers halfway to the roof, squash vine halfway to the garage. The squirrels have dessicated your beautiful delicata squash, I'm sorry to say. I was about to get out the lawn mower but the grass is wet and rain is coming, so I weeded the raspberry jungle instead. I'll need your help to get the massive pile of bracnshes into some yard bags. There were actually some beautiful berries under all that mess, and the girls ate them up, then yelled at me when I ate the last one: I was supposed to save it for you.

Orientation started at school this morning, for both girls as it turns out. I think they had a good day. When we got home, my cousin Jesse called and suggested swimming at my mom's. Tonight as we ate dinner, all chlorinated and sun tired, it felt like summer vacation has a last little stretch to it yet. Did I tell you already that we tried out the Highland Pool and it is awesome? That we spent a morning at Nokomis beach, with barely anyone else, and counted the planes and the minnows? I keep finding that I am holding my breath--that old bad habit--and when I think of my time with my girls in the sand and the sun and this beautiful late summer Minnesota weather that I am remembering, finally, fondly, and with nostalgia, I remember to breathe deep.

While you've been gone, people have said things like "That's a long time to be a single mom." But we have been very well taken care of, with dinners at Nonny and Papa's and at Rory and Nicole's and that whole weekend at the cabin. I think this has saved us not so much for the help with meals but for the adult contact it has provided me, re-energizing me so my patience will stretch. And it has needed to be supple: the girls are at each other quite a lot. But then they hug, and Eleri announces "I LOVE you Clio," in this very sweet cadence, and all is fine for the moment. They had some much-needed separation Saturday when I took Clio to Silo's birthday party (making his card she was delighted to discover that their names share three of four letters) and Eleri happily spent the day with Rory and Nicole, then we all had dinner there, with Erin and Kyle and River and Autumn, too. River and Clio made a couch fort. Eleri did the same puzzle over and over.

There are puzzle stations all over the house. One in front of the fireplace, one in the office, one in front of the island in the kitchen, and tonight Eleri made those two-piece reading puzzles (Bear and Cub; Goat and Kid) in a long line across the office doorway. She is doing a puzzle every time I turn around, and won't leave the house until she finishes. True story. It is still sort of cute and endearing, but if it lasts I think it will get old, fast.

We went through the girls' toys and books and brought a big bag of each to Oliver and have more to donate. We cleaned out the art supplies and turned over their closets. We empty the de-humidifier regularly, and each time the girls want to come downstairs with me, but of course then they don't want to come back up.

Do you find it hard to believe we have been here over a year now? I think about what we have done--and not done--in this time. How I like our life here and what I would like to improve. I wonder most as you head home if you feel like you are coming home, and if you do, if that home is about people--your girls--or if it is coming to be about this place, too. I hope so. I know time away can amplify the things you leave behind, and I hope you like some of the things you see.

See you tomorrow,

Heather

At the Lake

2011-08-23T17:01:00.000-04:00

Dear Daddy,

This weekend we got to go to Lucia and Finn's cabin. We had a lot of fun, and everyone's favorite activity was fishing off the dock. We fed the fish bread in the mornings so they would be nice and fat when we caught them in the afternoon. We used leeches and worms as bait, and Mommy even baited the hooks for us, but Maud was the only one who could get hooks out of fish bellies if they swallowed it whole. She had special pliers and calls this "surgery." We saved our fish in a bucket, but they kept jumping out, so we put a net over them. Clio held it closed. We released some, but kept five fish to eat. Maud showed us how to clean the fish. When we cut the heads off, they still move around. Maud and Mommy told us about nerves. When Maud tried to cut the biggest fish, it flipped around and around. Lucia and Clio got to eat that one.

We took boat rides, and Finn went tubing, but Clio wasn't ready to try it. Maybe next year. She says she doesn't want to try it ever, but we'll see. While we tooled around the lake, under beautiful blue skies, we missed you, and I thought that you would trade one day of your time in Japan to be there with us like that, if only the logistics were not so complicated. I hope we can all go next year; we know you would have the most fun of everyone.

Yesterday we took the boat to the sandy point. We built a river. We put rocks in it, and when it was full we made a dam so the water wouldn't go out and come in again. We built a rock wall around it.

In the cabin, we did puzzles and Eleri is getting really good. We did a 60 piece floor puzzle of pirates. Clio and Lucia built a fort in the living room, using every single blanket and towel in the place. They also found some old baby gates to use, and said No Boys Allowed.

My favorite thing was watching the girls swim. They called the wading area by the shore the "shallow end" and the lake the "deep end," which is really very cute.

Clio would like to sign off now.

xoxo
(Clio typed those hugs and kisses)

Love,
Your girls

Dear Daddy,

2011-08-19T21:06:00.000-04:00

What a day we had!

This morning we had a visit from Connor. He helped us finish our new puzzle. Then we went to Nonny and Papa's to go swimming. Clio would not like to report about her mood, but we can tell you this. Pool success! Mommy forgot the back floatie, so Clio discovered she can swim just fine without it--even in the deep end, even going off the diving board. Amazing. She can even swim across the pool with her face in the water. As for Eleri, she has taken her daredevil ways to the big board, throwing herself into the water with glee. (wearing a life jacket, of course.)

We got to swim with Joy and Frank before they left for the airport, and Molly, Mike, and Connor came by, too. More puzzles, lots of popcorn, and one pair of raspberry chocolate ice cream bars made it a great day.

We got stuck in traffic on the bridge coming over the Mississippi, so we ran through McDonals drive through for Happy Meals. Our prize was a car that had a man pop out of it. They go realy fast, and the man comes out all the way, or hides in the car.

The treats didn't end there! Since it is movie night, we got to watch some TV. But we got home late, so we just watched some Diego. It was the funniest episode ever. There was a penguin who tried to slide on her back, but they have to slide on their bellies. And also she was just a baby and so she tried to climb a rock but she kept on falling anf falling and falling and that was so funny.

We are going to bed now so we are rested for our drive to the cabin tomorrow.

We were so glad to get your note that you arrived and found your family. What a long journey that was! We couldn't believe how long it took.

More soon,

xxxxxxxxxxoxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooo

Clio, Eleri, and the mommers

While Dad is away....

2011-08-18T20:29:00.001-04:00

We dropped Dave (aka The Dadders) at the airport bright and early this morning for his family trip to Japan. He will be gone for two whole weeks, which already kind of feels like an eternity.

The girls and I decided that we would miss him less (and he might feel less left out) if we recorded messages for him here. So here goes.

After the airport, we were still so sleepy, we decided to get bagels and juice and eat them at Bruegger's. After breakfast, we tried out the new Hello Kitty puzzle, and got it done together. We went to the wading pool, and Clio's bathing suit ripped wide open. Oops! When we came home, she tried to put it in the recycling, but I explained it belongs in the "garbagh," thereby introducing Clio to this fancy term for plain old garbage.

We all took naps, each in a room of our own. Eleri thought it was silly to sleep with her pillow halfway down the bed. After nap, we went to the playground, but Eleri had a little accident, and the fun was short lived. We picked up our farm share, and you'll be happy to know that greenilocks was revived. This time her adventures took her to an island in the middle of a pond with a turtle house that has smaller and smaller and smaller doors to get in.

For dinner we had Grandma's meatballs, corn on the cob, french fries with ketchup in special bowls, and tomato cucumber basil feta salad, with ingredients from the farm. The girls each had three servings of salad. Eleri ate watermelon, and Clio had peaches, and I remembered that those were my favorite foods with each of them when they were still in my belly. We think this is like magic. We marveled at the fact that you are still not in Japan yet, after this whole long full day.

We had bath right after dinner because Eleri wrote on herself (in pen.) The little plastic flounder went missing from the tub and Clio started some detective work, first looking for footprints, then handprints, then hair to see if we could track down the fish. She did find some hair, but the fish remains at large.

After we say good night to you, we will go up and read library books for stories.

Clio is dying to type "xoxo," so I think it's time to say we love you.

xoxo

Your girls

The Farm

2011-08-16T00:24:00.000-04:00

Even more than their teensy tiny disney princess dolls, the girls love all manner of plastic animals. Especially of the teensy tiny variety. Lately, they have taken to staging their little kitchen, which they call The Farm.

Before bed, Eleri insists on putting all the animals "to sleep" on the farm.

I'm amazed by the sorting work going on here: each species together in its place.

I'm not exactly sure why the pandas get the microwave when they have their very own panda house.

I love that ALL the animals had a family movie night. Good times, little ones.

Pictures by Dave, naturally.

Outfit of the Week

2011-08-03T14:23:00.000-04:00

Our friends Carrie, Morgan, and Greta passed this dress on to us, knowing how much I adore Liberty of London. Carrie gave it to us when we picked up our CSA share last week, with the caveat that she would like a picture of (notoriously camera-averse) Clio wearing it.

Clio agreed.

In the Garden

2011-08-03T12:03:00.000-04:00

There's nothing I like more than uploading photos from our camera and discovering a little treasure trove of images from a day or moment that I was not a part of. Leading up to Dave's big trip to Japan (he and his parents will visit Derek from August 18 - 31, leaving the girls and I to fend for ourselves), Dave is watching the girls on Mondays and Fridays so I can wrap up a bunch of work before my impending single-parent status.

I guess this is what they did on Monday.

Added bonus: I love Dave's pictures, always.

Three Candles

2011-07-13T12:52:00.000-04:00

The girls each blew out several sets of birthday candles this year, but this is Eleri's actual birthday. We had dinner at Rory and Nicole's house (my parents and other brother were in Idaho for a family reunion), and leftover cupcakes from a dinner with Hewitts and Harringtons.

I forgot my camera, but Rory got this shot on his phone. I love seeing us through someone else's lens, and will admit to getting a little teary when I saw this in my inbox.

Camping!

2011-07-13T10:48:00.000-04:00

Okay, okay, a few pictures.
It's amazing I got any: Dave had to work for the bulk of the weekend, leaving me on a hike with the little ones and not exactly hands-free.

Here's what you need to know about this trip:
It was really hard, and I want to do it again.

Outfit of the week: camping edition

2011-07-13T10:45:00.000-04:00

I'm trying to accept the new normal around here, which is that we have adventures and I don't manage to post them. Instead of pretending that I'm going to get around to it eventually, I'll just share whatever snippets and photos that I mange and then anything more is just a bonus.

Case in point. We went camping a few weeks back, with a number of families from the girls' school. Clio got geared up, and I can't tell you how much I love this little, slightly dorky, tourist-in-training ensemble. (Also the fact that she let me photograph her!)

Enjoy.

And as if that wasn't enough, next she added some knee socks and clipped on her kleen kanteen.

Can you stand it???

Three Years in Three Minutes

2011-07-11T22:32:00.001-04:00

Music: "Baby," Devendra Banhart

Dave would like you to know that he chose the music. Nice work honey! We make a great team!
Also, happy third birthday to our lovely little one. I think it's hilarious that you tube chose this still form the middle of the slideshow as the thumbnail, and in it she looks very worried indeed.

Enjoy!

A Letter From Your Mother on the occasion of your third birthday

2011-07-09T01:17:00.000-04:00

Oh, Eleri.

We seem to say this a lot: Oh, Eleri.

I'll tell you why: we don't know what to do with you. It's true! What are we going to do with you? I think we've been saying this since birth. I think maybe I don't see you as clearly as I see Clio, because we are not alike. You are a puzzle to me, like your dad.

These past few weeks, you have been transitioning at school, from the toddler room to Children's House. Transitions aren't really your thing. I think it took you seven months to fully embrace your teacher, Miss Bekka, and you still won't shake Ann's hand when she greets us in the morning. There were small conferences leading up to this transition. We've been talking about it since January: the timing that would be best, methods of change that might make you feel okay. Everyone agrees that you are ready, that you need new challenges, but everyone worried about how you would take it. Watching you actually make the transition, I'm realizing something I should have known all along: it doesn't matter what anyone else does. When you're ready, you're ready. Not one moment before, but also no looking back. You've been fairly well potty trained for months now, but we still had you in diapers overnight until one night you said, quite simply, no diapers. And you woke up dry, that morning and every morning since. See? I suppose this can be unfortunate if your timing doesn't line up with the world's, but I also wonder if we leave you to it without extra fuss, if you will go your own way sooner. I wonder.

Did you know that you fall asleep many nights at the top of the stairs? We don't know why, but after being put to bed you come lie there, and frankly, after putting you back in bed a million times we get exhausted and we leave you be. When I hear your breathing change, I know it's time to go scoop you up and put you under the covers. While I don't love you sleeping there--the stairs are big, and hard wood, and I get scared thinking what a tumble might look like--I do love scooping you up, love your head on my shoulder (always have), love that when I finally put you down, you can't fight me on it. You fight sleep bitterly to the end.

You're a fighter. You scratch. It's true. Sometimes you smack me right in the face. We got you a book from the library called "When I Feel Angry," and you read it with great interest, though I think you are too young to understand or employ most of its tactics. Clio and daddy are better at distracting you--maybe this is why I'm the main target for your fingernails. Just tonight, you didn't want to take a second bike tour of the block, but Clio did. I found myself counting to 5 (again) to get you moving, but Clio just told you about a feather she found, and you wanted to see it, too, and that brought you right down the steps like the force of gravity. Do you want to know the flip side of the scratching? The teeny tiny kisses you give me, on my cheek, my hand, my knee. They are perfect kisses. And then there are the secrets you tell, so quiet they are impossible to hear. I suppose a secret is safe with you.

What else can I tell you? You have caught the princess doll fever, and will happily play castle on your own for hours. You like to scoot down and look at worms and bugs. You have been eating all the purple basil from the garden. The other night you said you wanted to go outside and throw something, and I thought that sounded like a good idea. You throw things you shouldn't, especially your (plastic) fork at dinner. I still think this is a hold over from before, when your language wasn't so strong and you had to get your point across one way or another. Your language has improved so much, and you love to tell stories now, love to have stories read to you. You still tell jokes. You love your bike helmet, and rain boots. Sometimes you ask me to braid a teeny tiny braid in your hair, but mostly it is all in your face. You are a night owl--I think this is just your natural circadian rhythm. Noodles with pesto is your favorite food. You eat ice cream faster than anyone I know. You help yourself to nuts from the pantry and yogurt and cheese from the fridge. We went strawberry picking the other day, and while Clio asked permission to eat each berry, and waited until Daddy found her perfect ones all in a row, you just helped yourself at random, your face smeared red. There seems to be no truer assessment of your different personalities.

Sometimes you are so engrossed, I have to say your name many times to bring you back. Eleri. Eleri. Eleri Ruth! Also, noodle. Noodle puss, noodle head, silly noodle. Eleri bellery pudding and pie. Someone asked me the other day why I called you noodle, and I told her it's because you're my silly noodle, and we all had a good laugh at that, like this was the family joke.

I think you are settling in pretty well. Sometimes this shyness comes over you and you are gripped, and twice recently you have hid your face completely in the presence of someone new, just put your head down to the counter or table or whatever you could find. But I see glimmers. On the 4th, there were latecomers to the party, and you were in the pool with me, and you looked up and said, "where's Molly and Mike?" You knew that my aunt and uncle were missing, and wanted them there. In a funny way, I think being close to family has been best for you, of all of us. I think after moving cross country twice in your first two years, maybe you feel that you are home now. I hope that with each passing year things will stabilize for all of us, and the chaos that you were born into (or maybe wrought) will ebb. When that happens, I hope to watch your defense mechanisms melt away; the hitting, the throwing of forks, the hiding of faces, and that you will both keep your independent spirit and let the rest of us in jut a little more.

When you're ready, of course. Not one moment sooner. And no looking back.

I love you baby,
Happy Birthday.

Mom

Birthday Cake

2011-07-06T15:40:00.000-04:00

I truly can't believe that it is July 6th: where have the days gone?
There are many, many things to catch up on here (will I ever truly be caught up? Doubtful!) But for now, there are important matters at hand, like birthdays. And cake.

For months, Clio has been saying that she wanted a tiered cake with a cupcake on top and an edible dolphin. Not at all specific, right? To be honest, I wasn't completely phased by this. The tiers, the cupcake, totally doable. And disappointment is part of life, isn't it, so I figured I would just toss one of those German figurines of a dolphin on top and say, oh, oops, that Dolphin's not edible. Silly me. I know, mother of the year, sitting right here.

Well, this weekend as we prepared to make said cake, we revisited the plans with Clio, and while she had been insisting on that dolphin for ages, she suddenly and inexplicably veered to something easier. Two layers (not tiers), cupcake, and a cherry on top. Oh, and hearts on the sides. It's possible that she has learned another important life lesson here: that reducing expectations also reduced potential dissapointment. Or maybe she just wanted to let me off the hook. At an rate, to be SURE we knew exactly what she wanted, we had her draw a picture. And then through discussion we arrived at that little inset drawing.

And here's the actual cake.

A pretty good likeness, I'll say.

And darn delicious, too.

After sharing some cake with friends and family on the 4th, we enjoyed the cake a second time on Clio's actual birthday, in what is becoming something of a tradition. (I hope to put a candle in the final quarter on Saturday, for Eleri. I wonder if there will come a time when this practice bothers the girls, or if it will just be one of those weird things our family does.)

You may notice that the cake says "River." River is the son of my younger brother's friends, who joined us on the fourth. The 4th happened to be River's 4th birthday. When she learned of this, Clio suggested that we include him on the cake, which I thought was awfully sweet of her.

Want to know something weird? When I took these pictures (above), I got a strange sense of deja vu, and realized that Clio wore the EXACT same outfit on her birthday last year!

What do you think, does she look a whole year older?

Her birthday letter is coming soon.

Flying Up

2011-06-09T14:46:00.001-04:00

At Bright Water (and at Lake Country, where I went to school), there is a lovely term for moving to the next level: flying up. Yesterday was the ceremony, and Eleri flew up from the toddler community to Children's House, which she will transition to over the summer.

As the youngest students in the school, the Toddlers went first. They all stood on this little bridge while their teacher, Beka (on the left) spoke about the progress they made this year and the kind of work they mastered. To be honest, I hardly heard a word of it, partly because it was so funny to watch Eleri up there, but mostly because I'm not sure that, for Eleri, the new skills in the classroom are the real celebration. Eleri take a very long time to warm up to things (and people), and I think after nine months at her school, she's close. Every morning, Ann, the director of the school, stands out front to greet the children and shake their hands. Clio is eager to take part in this ritual, and if we happen to arrive as the buses are unloading and Ann doesn't see us, Clio will wait patiently for her handshake. Not Eleri. Eleri has not yet decided to shake Ann's hand on any kind of regular basis. (I think I've witnessed it twice.) So somehow, Eleri standing on the bridge hand in hand with Ann was more sign of progress to me than anything else.

Each of the teachers (or guides, as we call them) presented their oldest students in a different way, and I think my favorite was the last class of 3d graders. Their guide introduced them one at a time and had them proceed over the bridge. The 4th years were waiting on the other side to hand them a secret present. (This was probably the 4th years' idea, and I love the way montessori students choose to support and lift one another.) Eleri came to sit with me after her class flew up, so we got to watch this together.

Congratulations, baby girl. Can't wait to see how you take to Children's House. I bet by the end of next year you'll be shaking hands without a thought, but if not, that's okay, too.

Outfit of the Week

2011-06-01T00:53:00.000-04:00

Walking to our car at pick up today, a friend drove by, rolled down her window, and said "okay, you HAVE to get a picture of that." She was right, and so I did.

It is truly spectacular.

Tornado

2011-05-23T00:03:00.000-04:00

There were tornado sirens today.

This was our third experience since living here. The first was just a test. The second happened at bedtime a couple of weeks ago, when Dave was at work and I was home alone with the girls, and because the first time had been a test, I forgot what I was supposed to do. I didn't take the girls to the basement, instead I insisted that they try to sleep, despite the noise. I recognize this is not the best parenting moment I have had.

So this afternoon, when the sirens wailed, I brought everyone to the basement. The girls played dress up, swung on the swing, climbed the rope, slid down the slide, practiced the monkey bars. Dave was thrilled to have me captive, where he could get a round of ping pong out of me without protest. We listened to NPR for updates, and the funnel clouds seemed far away, the damage farther.

Tonight, on facebook, I saw images of the damage in North Minneapolis, in the neighborhood where the girls go to school, and where most of their classmates live. Huge old trees, uprooted, thrown down across cars. Roofs torn off.

The day after the last siren, the one I did not heed, I met a new friend in the park for a playdate. She told me the sirens went off just after her two girls fell asleep, and that, also home alone, she could not wrap her head around the logistics of waking a 3 year old and an infant and carrying them to the basement, so she didn't. I told her how I had outright ignored it, even with waking children, how it didn't seem possible, somehow, for the tornado to enter the city.

How foolish.

She told me she had felt that way once, too, until a funnel cloud touched down on her street, ran past her old house.

I am glad we have a basement.
I will be checking the details of our homeowners insurance.
I will be praying for our neighbors in North who suffered damage from this tornado.

I will heed the sirens.

Backpack, backpack

2011-05-22T22:30:00.000-04:00

This post is set to the soundtrack of Dora the Explorer's "backpack song." Don't know it? Lucky you.

The other morning, still in their nightgowns, the girls packed their backpacks full of all sorts of wonderful things and set off for an adventure.

Clio got started, but after realizing that the bright sunshiny day belied Minnesota cold spring temperatures, she quickly made her way back in.

Eleri thought it wise to wait inside, and see if the adventure was worth having.

Tonight, putting them to bed, I saw Clio's backpack spilling its treasures onto the floor, and among the detritus, I found my missing coasters.

I suppose I asked for it

2011-05-18T22:41:00.000-04:00

Oh, Eleri.
We all know she's independent, yes? Might I remind you that she set her mind on changing her own diapers--and then refused to let anyone help her?

So, we've been struggling a bit with bedtime. The girl is a nightowl, and trying to force her to go to bed when she's not feeling it is just not that successful. And yet this is the situation I continue to perpetuate. The last several nights, I've finally given up putting her back down the nth time, and when I head to bed I find her asleep on the floor at the top of the stairs. (Tonight is no different. It's 9:30 and I can hear her up there now.)

A little earlier, both girls came out of their room, and I indiscriminately sent them back to bed, despite Eleri's claim of a hurt finger. (Wolf.) No peep for a while, but then I hear a little rumbling, and notice the light is on, so I go stealthily upstairs to catch Eleri in the act o whatever it is she's doing. The laundry room light is on, but so is her bathroom light (which is the next door). I slip in to the bathroom and then through the door into the bedroom and Eleri is getting into bed. When she sees me she says "there's a mess in the laundry room."

"Why don't you come help me clean it up," I say.

"Otay." (That's right, she still says Otay instead of okay. It's extremely cute.)

In the laundryroom, I find a bag of first aid supplies emptied out onto the floor. A box of gauze pads is open and, upon closer inspection, it seems that each sterile package has been ripped upon, gauze pads strewn on the floor. I ask Eleri what's up.

"I had an owie on my knee," she says, "so I put cream on it."

Wait. Cream? What cream?

Sure enough, her ENTIRE LEG is like an oil slick, both hands covered, and she is leaving gooey puddles on the floor.

"Eleri, which cream did you use?" She points to the prescription antibiotic cream. So I guess we don't have to worry about an infection in her scraped knee.

I got her cleaned up (She held up her thumb--the one she had been sucking--and said "this is yucky," so obviously we had to do a thorough hand wash) and put her back in bed.

Of course, as mentioned, I can hear her breathing at the top of the stairs.

So. That's my night. How was yours?

Easter bunny sidewalk chalk

2011-05-05T15:59:00.000-04:00

I wrote about the sidewalk chalk in my letter for easter.
These are the pictures.

Easter bunny shaped chalk, from the easter bunny

Making the dog for the neighbors, so they won't be sad if they lose one of theirs because they will still have this one.

The artist at work.

Making the alley that goes in a circle.

Covering ground!

Easter Eggs!

2011-05-05T15:51:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I forget that I am the adult, and that holiday magic doesn't happen, adults plan it. Which is to say, I'm terrible at celebrating holidays and creating activities and tradition around them.

But I can manage the basics.

Despite easter falling very late this year, the weather leading up to it was, well, abominable. Dyeing easter eggs is much more fun when it feels springy, but we persevered.

Nadia and Givenson came over, and Nadia and my two girls dyed nearly 3 dozen eggs between them. These girls were FAST. Too fast, I think. We ran through eggs before they got bored with the project.

Nadia's egg kit came with a plain wax crayon, and Clio wrote her favorite slogan on one of hers.

Nap the Cat.

That's right.

We have NO clue what this is supposed to mean or where it came from, but she writes it everywhere.

See?

She also wrote her sisters name on one, and Eleri decorated with stickers.

Eleri also really liked dunking the eggs in the colors. By which I mean dropping. We lost a few to this method before she got the hang of the dipper.

A Christmas dress for dyeing Easter Eggs. Makes perfect sense somehow.

In the end, when we'd run out of eggs, Clio and Nadia did a little experiment called Put the Egg in Every Color and See What Happens. My prediction? Brown.

As usual, I was wrong. They basically turned the last color they were in, with undertones of all the other colors.

I'm getting worse and worse at concluding these posts as the day goes on. And you know what? I'm not going to sweat it.

Recent Projects

2011-05-05T15:40:00.000-04:00

Wow, it feels GREAT to catch up on all this stuff we've been doing lately! This is bad blogging (no posts for weeks and then a tidal wave), but good family archiving, and I'll take it!

Dave seems to be scheduled for LOTS of evenings and pretty much every Saturday, then tends to schedule clients on Sundays, leaving the girls and I to our own devices. After the long winter, plus this strange balance of roles, I find myself needing someone else to supply some of the structure. And so we have been going places with activities.

In Boulder, I loved that our libary had great cultural activities, and that they communicated events really well. Here. we are part of a HUGE library system, and hunting down activities through them can be a bit of a daunting puzzle. But I recently found a cool after school event at one of the closer branches. Eleri was kind of just alon for the ride, but Clio got to make a book (which you may have noticed she loves to do.) The real focus of the event was making tin plates reminiscent of Mexican folk art.

Here's Clio's initial drawing

And here's the finished tin piece, as a cover plate on her (as yet blank) book.

This was a super easy project to set up, and really fun and different.

At the Children's Museum, we built a "Bird and Butterfly house" out of a cardboard box, colored masking tape, popsicle sticks, and other odds and ends.

Here is the sign to let butterflies know they should come in.

The museum also had their face painting station set up, and while Clio requested that I paint three stars on her face, Eleri went ahead and did her own.

Kind of a beard, really. (Oh, and that's the start of her "angry" face. She bares her teeth and clenches everything so hard she shakes. True story. She doesn't do this too often, if she did I might worry!)

We also have this book called Draw and Play All Day, and when I tidied up the bookshelves Clio rediscovered it. I got it at the Walker shop, and it's full of paper crafts and activities. I think it would be a great book for slightly older kids to tackle on their own, but Clio (and especially Eleri) needs quite a bit of help with it.

The other day, we made ornaments. Really this just means popping the shapes out of the book and gluing the two sides together, then threading a hanger through (we used pipe cleaners.) We braved a VERY cold and windy day to hang them on the tree in our backyard, but the wind had other ideas an ultimately we packed them up for another day.

We're keeping ourselves busy! And the weather is getting a bit more cooperative. Yesterday we hit the playground after school instead of some kind of indoor activity, and it's looking promising for today, too!

Maybe Pants

2011-05-05T15:18:00.000-04:00

This is probably my favorite of Clio's books to date. Not least because she took it upon herself to do the binding, and it is all wonky and taped up, but it is a bound book nonetheless.

Mostly, I love her use of simile. I told her the name for what she was doing naturally, the way she was making illustrative comparisons, and she seemed to like that it had a name.

Maybe Pants

by Clio Peterson

March 1, 2011

I am a robot, but I am a girl.

I have a moustache.

Dialogue bubble: I am OW!

Dots make this picture really graceful like a girl human.

My hair is as long as my mom.

Dialogue bubble: I am a Tooter.

Here is my mom.

She has hair that is brown and green.

This rainbow is as beautiful as a clementine.

This crazy thing

is as crazy

This P

This O

This A

and this N

The End.

I love you, you tooter.

Perhaps I should mention that Lucia had recently slept over and the three girlies though "tooter" was the funniest thing on earth.

"This rainbow is as beautiful as a clementine." Makes my heart full.

Girls and Boys in the Flowers

2011-05-05T14:39:00.000-04:00

Flowers seem to be a big theme in Clio's books (and underwear.) If she doesn't become an olympic swimmer, an actress (drama queen), or a vet, I can see florist or landscape architect as a contender. She doesn't fully get the concept that once you pick a flower, it dies. Or maybe she does get it but is unconcerned after the initial shock. Anyway, one of her flower-story-collaborations with the Dadders.

Lovely Flowers

Daddy wants these flowers to go in a vase.

Clio wants to put these flowers somewhere in her garden.

Finn says: "I like these flowers. I want to get them and sometimes buy them."

These apples are just right.

I want to get these flowers cause I really really like them. They have dots on each petal.

I like these flowers. I can only take 4 at a time. I cannot pick one more.

Clio Grace, Swimmer

2011-05-05T14:14:00.000-04:00

Clio is a total fish.
Perhaps it has something to do with Dave insisting on swim lessons as soon as she hit 6 months, despite the fact that this meant freezing weather in Brooklyn, not the best for a baby coming out of the pool.
Or maybe she's just a fish: she was quite the swimmer even before she was born, doing somersaults in my belly.

After quite a hiatus, we're back in lessons. We joined the Y, and I signed Eleri up for a parent child class (her first) at the same time as Clio's preschool group, and it was an absolute joy to watch her from the other end of the pool. The water is her happy place.

I love this little report card from her teacher (who is now Eleri's teacher in our new session.)

Clio can't wait for the warmer weather--just around the corner?--when we can swim at Nonny's pool and the lake beaches All. The. Time.

One Strawberry and Flowers

2011-05-05T14:07:00.000-04:00

Can you tell I got the scanner going again? Mostly because--practically speaking--I needed to clear my desk. But the bonus for anyone who still bothers to check this blog is the pleasure of Clio's book collaborations. (And long term, I suppose the pleasure will be all Clio's, in having access to her "early work"!) This one has all the captions on the same page as the images, but I'm typing them below in case they aren't legible.

Silly, silly, silly.

Crazy that you put these silly pants on my face!

I have everything on my face.

Dialogue bubble, left to right:

Silly, silly, silly earrings you have, Mama.

I hope so baby.

I love you Mama.

I burped.

Pretty Stuff.

Dialogue bubble: I can reach that cloud!

A strawberry, Just right for me!

Dialogue Bubble: I'm going to eat myself.

The Strawberry is going to eat herself.

More collaborations from Clio and her ghost writers

2011-05-05T14:01:00.000-04:00

A Garden With Flowers and Trees Only

PBTPBTPBBT (SPIT)

This flower has breeze.

These are shells.

This thing is an Iguana.

(I just want to tease people who read this book because it's not really an iguana--Ed note.)

The yellow things on top are clouds. The blue thing at the very top is the sky. And the green things that are tall are trees. And the little things that are on the ground, also, are flowers.

I have something to tell you.

My clothes are underwear.

This is a beautiful rainbow, even though its a circle.

A Letter From Your Mother on the occasion of Easter

2011-04-27T00:19:00.000-04:00

I have such a hard time putting myself into this space, this voice, these days. I decided I should aim to post at least weekly, that that would feel like I was capturing enough, but something else always has to come first. The laundry, the dishes, the fact that I am trying to build a business from scratch in my spare time. Or I'm tired, I want to get off my feet, lie down, escape to the TV or yet another design magazine. I think about this blog every day. Wonder if my inability to write here is also an inability to see my girls, how they are. I took one day off from posting to the other blog: Easter Sunday. That felt good, but also like a crack in the resolve, like when you are going and going but you sit down and it is sooooo veeeeery haaaard to get up again. That might be where I am right now.

But girls: I see you. I sure saw you on Easter. Clio, you were up first, earlier than I expected, glittery with anticipation. I told you to see if the Easter Bunny had come, to see if you could find a basket for you somewhere in the house, hoping to buy myself a little more sleep, but you were back lickety split with a pink felt basket in hand. You ate chocolate for breakfast. No, wait, that's not true: in a nod to your father, I made you eat a little real breakfast first. Hard boiled eggs, probably. And then you had candy, your very first peeps. The marshmallow is your favorite. Before all this you jumped up and down by my side of the bed and asked me to open the Tangled doll the easter bunny thought to bring you, and that damn packaging required scissors, so roused I was. Eleri was still asleep.

When she got up, you helped her find her basket, though really, they were in an easy hiding spot, the exact place Eleri goes first in the morning: the castle. The castle was on the floor and the baskets were tucked onto its shelf. Each basket had 1 Rapunzel doll, 1 package of bunny shaped sidewalk chalk, 4 peeps, 6 chocolate eggs, and one chocolate peanut butter bunny.

Eleri, somehow I lost track of you (as I seem to, too often), and you came into the dining room with that bunny unwrapped, chocolate on your face, your hands, your dress, and you looked at me with those big, big eyes, wide with the chocolate bunny, and you said, "mommy. I love this," all hushed and reverent. And because this was the cutest thing I may have ever heard, and because you didn't ask, just opened up the biggest treat in the basket first and dove right in, I started to laugh. Boy, did I laugh.

It upset you. You left, and I found you in the office, sobbing. You had thrown the candy bunny on the floor and you were just so upset. It took a while to get it out of you, but of course you were upset because you thought I was laughing at you. I wasn't. Not at you, not like that. We kissed and made up and I offered you the bunny but you wouldn't eat it. Not now. So I wrapped it up and saved it for later.

We spent the morning outside. The sun was finally shining and we went in the front yard. Clio, you and I went out first, and you drew pictures. You drew a dog for the neighbor. You told me that if for some reason they lost one of their dogs, they could be less sad because they would have this picture from you. You drew it in the square of sidewalk closest to their house. You also made a garden full of princess flowers and a row of houses, with ours in the middle (yellow, because you didn't have brown chalk), with an alley that made a big, long, loop, and ultimately led right back to the houses. I like this idea of a circle alley. When Eleri came out, you shared your colors nicely and you didn't get upset when she drew on your work--sometimes this really upsets you, and, honestly, she's not always so very nice about it.

We got dressed up in Easter dresses. Nonny brought them to you a week or two before, and you were dying to wear them. I didn't get your picture, but while I was getting dressed the two of you held hands and spun circles in the dining room, with skirts flying out just the way you like, Clio's soft floral and Eleri's blue and white stripes. We went to Nonny's and had an egg hunt. Eleri, you would find an egg, open it up, examine its contents, and eat the candy, then repeat the whole process. Clio, you found as many eggs as you could and kept them in your basket, unopened. Hours later, after almost everyone had gone home, you had Nonny and my aunt Eileen take turns shaking the eggs, guessing what was inside. Candy, money, or both. When we ate lunch, you sat at the big table with Finn and Lucia. You wanted swedish fish, but you were willing to eat your asparagus to get them.

Eleri, you needed to go home. I don't know if it was just too much for you, all those people, all the excitement, or if you just weren't feeling well (you ended up throwing up the next night--just once.) I kept telling you just a minute, and you finally announced that you wanted to take a nap. You never nap--in fact, when a nap is suggested, you specifically say "nothing, never," so this made us stand up and take notice. Daddy took you home, and you dozed on and off laying on him on the couch while Clio shook her eggs.

You girls are so different. We have known this from day one, but it is more pronounced all the time. Whenever I offer two choices, you inevitably choose the opposite. In the mornings, on the way to school, we tell stories. If Eleri wants Cinderella, Clio wants Rapunzel. If Clio wants Cinderella, Eleri wants Goldilocks. I tell you to work it out. Most days, you do. And there's no pattern. Well, except that Clio always goes right for the negotiation: Eleri, if we do my story today we can do yours tomorrow, okay? But there is no clear pattern in who gives, in who wins. It is a give and take.

I know we always say we can't believe how fast it goes (I've likely said it a zillion times on this blog), but the truth is, I can't believe how big you are. I still manage to take pictures of you now and again, and when I see them on the computer, scrolling by in search of a "before" or an "after," I am struck by them. You are just so tall. So grown. It bears noting that Eleri is potty trained. That Clio is reading. That these milestones came and went some time ago, and deserve their own posts but may not get them. I suppose you might settle for this: you are geniuses. You are difficult. You are beautiful.

We love you so much,

Mom.

Dressing in Layers

2011-04-13T21:45:00.000-04:00

Eleri insists on dressing in layers these days. In particular, she loves to wear skirts under dresses--exactly like Clio did at this same age. It doesn't seem to be a "thing" for 2 1/2 year olds, and it is all the more striking to me because these girls are SO different from each other in every imaginable way.

You see Clio's little skirt sticking out under her dress? It's so weird that this is the only picture I can find: she wore skirts with dresses nearly every day for months.

Eleri also loves to button her buttons. Don't even try to help her--she's going to DO IT HERSELF.

Little Helpers

2011-03-25T23:20:00.003-04:00

Okay, while I'm at it, how about some pictures?

Dave has always been much better than me at directing the girls energy in a useful way. He finds great ways to engage them in what he is doing, rather than getting annoyed when they disrupt him or ignoring them, both of which are, admittedly, behaviors I occasionally employ.

Sometimes I find myself creating projects where they can be helpful, like baking cookies. But then we have cookies in the house that we didn't need. The other night we had tacos, Clio's a-number-1 favorite meal (Eleri's is holding steady at noodle with pesto), and the girls helped. Actually, truly helped.

The focus always amazes me. And isn't Clio cute, sneaking tastes?

It's funny, I know how very competent they are, and sometimes I have to remind myself that they are ONLY 2 and 4 as I expect so much of them (okay, closer to 3 and 5, but still.) But most of the jobs I find myself needing help with don't use the safest tools. Hence Clio cutting tomatoes with a plastic knife and me checking on Eleri every 2 seconds to make sure she wasn't taking the skin off her fingers with that peeler.

Also, how cute are those aprons? I think they were $3 a piece at Ikea, and the girls LOVE to wear them. I think it makes them feel that their helper status is official.

Worst Blog Month Ever.

2011-03-25T22:54:00.002-04:00

Well, it is SHOCKING that March is almost over. And after writing my weekend posts for the other blog tonight, I waltzed on over here and realized that I have posted TWICE this month. That is my worst clio confidential record ever.

I think about this blog almost every day. I write content for it in my head. I think about all the things that are going unrecorded. I struggle with whether this is a good thing or a bad thing. I know that I won't give up on this blog, but I also know that I need to figure out what I want it to be now. (This is not the first time I have talked about this struggle, I know.) It's no longer my main creative outlet--love your space is. That blog is about decorating, sure, in the way that this blog has been about parenting, but it is also about writing. I mean, I know it's not "real writing" (Dave!), but it's about expression. Storytelling. Sharing my voice.

At the same time, starting a business and design blogging daily is fairly all-consuming, and I have moments of sadness that I never seem to be completely in any one role at any given time. I wonder if I was more present with my girls if I might be more present here on their blog.

I can say this, though. All of a sudden, these last few weeks, I look at my girls and I see miracles. We were lucky in our easy, quick pregnancies, our healthy children (Dave, yes, I'm knocking wood), yet there they are, miracles all the same. I look at them all the time, but these are the moments where it feels like I see them. I tell myself that having that feeling in that moment is more important than capturing it for the future.

I was organizing their memory boxes the other day, and I found myself thinking about what we keep and what we throw away. It feels, in a way, arbitrary, the things we think to treasure. And I wonder about this with our memories and stories, too. I saw Lizzie today, at the school we both attended, where she now works, and she was saying names and mentioning traditions that each brought a vague and hazy picture to my mind, unreliable visions that may or may not have anything to do with what she was describing. She told me of the high school seniors standing in white gloves and silence for flag raising, and I wasn't sure if I remembered doing this, nearly 20 years ago. Part of me wanted to go look it up, but the truth is, the picture, if it exists, likely does not convey the feeling of that moment, may, in fact, take something away from it.

These are the things I think about when I record too much, or not enough, of our lives. There probably is no good balance, is there.

Saturday at the Walker

2011-03-10T22:43:00.003-05:00

We headed to the Walker Saturday afternoon for the free kids day, and Papa came along to see the girls (and give me a hand, as Dave was working). We made little clay guys, but did not wait in the 2 hour line to turn them into our own claymation videos. We checked out this in-museum "empty tree house"

(not sure why I wasn't using the flash), had a BIG snack in the cafe (thanks, Papa), oh, and saw some art. It was fun to try to explain conceptual art and cinematic space as we walked through the Tacita Dean exhibit.

But naturally Eleri's favorite may have been making her own game out of the lockers in the coat room as we packed up and headed home. She opened a row of lockers and went through closing them, one by one.

Overheard

2011-03-08T07:59:00.000-05:00

Eleri, spelling her own name:

"E -- O -- I -- 6"

Can I just mention

2011-02-28T23:04:00.002-05:00

That this is Eleri's school picture this year? (That's me holdig her up I was the volunteer who got all the kids form their classrooms and in and out of the photo set up. This did not prove to be a good thing where my own children were concerned)

Oh, and can I also mention that Clio doesn't have a portrait this year, because she refused to have it taken, and then somehow got passed over on retake day?

Yeah.

Clio writes

2011-02-28T21:43:00.002-05:00

Clio is DYING to read on her own, and to write words, sentences...books.
She is getting there, but, a bit like her mom, she might like to skip a few steps.

She "writes" around the house a lot, stringing together letters and then asking us to "read" what she has written, and the resulting dictation is a practice in sounding out vowel-less words. Recently, though, her guesses are getting closer, and while she still doesn't seem to think voewls are needed to connect the more impotant consonant sounds, many of her strings of letters are now recognizable as words.

I love this one, from earlier tonight.

Eleeeerrrriiii!!!!!!!

2011-02-21T20:44:00.004-05:00

The title to this post is best understood if it is said loudly, while shaking your fists.

Here's the thing: you can't turn your back on that girl for ONE SECOND. She is super stealthy, and she gets into EVERYTHING.

Tonight I was almost brought to tears of exhaustion, and made statements to Dave that had this kind of ring to them: "I'm clearly not cut out for this." "I always thought I'd make such a good mom, but..." And when Dave suggested that perhaps school would be canceled tomorrow because we've clocked in over a foot and it is STILL SNOWING (ahem), I made a face that must have been sheer terror, because Dave couldn't stop laughing.

Just for fun, I thought I'd share all of the foibles that I can remember from today. That's right, this list is JUST today. Apparently I turn by back a lot. You know, when I am folding the laundry or making lunch or shoveling the car out of the snowbank that once was known as the curb.

-- removing the floor vent and sending toys into the heating system, like a playground slide
-- bringing a stool down the hall to gain access to the top drawer in the laundry room, removing all band-aids from the box and from individual wrappers; using the band-aids as stickers in the bottom of the drawer
--at the movie theater, licking the cup holder in the pushed-up arm of the seat in front of us, then trying to scoop out the condensation of someone's slushy drink with her hands
-- also at the movie theater, eating discarded chips from the back of the lobby settee
-- coloring blue crayon designs all over the table in her room
-- unrolling the entire roll of toilet paper in her bathroom onto the floor
-- filling the toy tea set with water, sprinkling it all over the room
-- removing most of the wipes from a wipes container, using some as blankets for disney princess dolls, others "to wipe my nose," then crumbling them into balls in the corners
-- removing her own (wet) diaper and dropping it on the floor

I'm sure I'm forgetting some. And of course this isn't counting the run-of-the-mill daily messes. If I wasn't so tired, I would go into the other room and settle in with "Setting Limits With Your Strong Willed Child," which comes highly recommended by a friend. My mom laughed when she saw it on the coffee table, then lamented that they did not have such books when we were little. From what I understand, my brother Rory was something of an Eleri. Rory is the youngest child. I have a feeling Eleri will be, too.

It really should be no surprise that she looked like this by the time we got home from the movie.

It's pretty much how I felt, and still feel, and will probably feel until she is...I don't know, a grownup? Ever?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T10:26:00.001-05:00

Outfit(s) of the Week

2011-02-11T14:51:00.002-05:00

Clio has really put together some doozies lately.

I have no idea what's up with that expression, or why she is holding her slippers next to her face like ears.
From this morning, I'd like to point out that she is wearing a velour bolero.

I think she chose it just to spite me when I said no to the taffeta party dress that goes with it. (The request was denied only because the crinoiline can't possibly fit comfortably under her snowpants!)

Oh, Clio.

"Sad Blog" Update

2011-02-10T12:19:00.003-05:00

So, a funny thing happened. Remember my little meltdown about how nobody is reading this blog? Hard to forget, since it was only two posts ago. Well, the whole episode was instigated by my sitemeter. You know, the thing that tracks visits to the blog. I changed the settings so it would not count visits from my own computer as traffic, and suddenly my traffic dropped from dozens of daily visits to zero. Yes, zero. So when I complained that no one was reading my blog, I meant NO ONE. Guess what? I just got my next weekly report, and it still says that I had zero visits this week. But I know you've been here, because a number of you so nicely suggested that I keep blogging, either in comments here or to me personally. I'm thinking there is a glitch in my technology.

There is some serendipity here, however. This momentary crisis made me think long and hard about what I want--from this blog, from that other blog, from my career, as a writer, as the archivist for this family. And things are way clearer now than they were a week ago.

Clio Confidential began as a way to allow family and friends into our daily lives, and as a love letter to Clio. Over the years, watching mom-bloggers grow famous and quit their jobs and become full-time bloggers and support their families this way, I found myself thinking, "that could have been me." But the truth is, I never wanted to do the things I would have had to do to get to that outcome. I didn't want to be a web-based reality show. I didn't want to have to worry about whether or not to show my kids faces on the blog. I didn't want my friends and family to have to deal with contests and giveaways on my blog, when they were just checking in with me. I didn't want to sully the content here with anything remotely, well, business.

But I do want to be a blogger. I want to have readers. I want to be invited to speak at conferences or write columns for print magazines. I want to make my own hours and get to pick my kids up at the end of the school day. I want the blogging life.

I also want to be a writer. This is not splitting hairs. Bloggers and writers are different. You can be, but are not necessarily, both.

So here's what I hope to be/do. Design blogger. Mom writer. It's funny: sounds so simple now.

What does this mean for this blog? It means that it will remain the same. A way to allow friends and family into our lives. A love letter to Clio and Eleri. A record of one version of all of our past as a family. And...(this is important)...an incubator for larger stories to pitch to traditional media. That's the Mom Writer part. Every once in a while, I might ask for your input as parents and people about stories that interest you and what you would want to know more about. Or not, we'll see how it goes! And I will try to not be so insecure about things, and know instead that people DO read this blog, for a variety of their own reasons, and that is a wonderful thing.

Meanwhile, I'll be tearing it up over at Love Your Space. That's where I will be trying to build an audience beyond my own circle. In fact, if you know anyone interest in design and decorating, please send them my way. Encourage them to follow the blog. Pass it on. I started the blog because I love talking about decorating and I had exhausted the patience of too many people with my constant talk, especially my poor husband. I needed and outlet. And I love it. I love writing every post. I love pulling inspiration out of magazines. I love planning a week of content. I love that I have a list of 30 posts waiting int he wings, and I am excited to write every single one. Stemming from that passion, I hope that the blog will lead to bigger things. Eventually, the goal for the design blog is 3-fold. One, I am starting to take on clients who would like to redecorate their homes using what they already have, some ingenuity and elbow grease, and a modest budget for vintage and mass-market items; I hope that the blog will introduce my personality and style and connect me with clients. Two, I would like the design blog to yield sponsors and advertising revenue. And three, I would like it to get me noticed as a design writer for other outlets.

I have always known that I was goal-oriented (I need a plan!), and I have to say, it is a HUGE relief to have a direction. I'll keep you posted.

And I just want to say thank you to all of you who DO read my blogs, who support my endeavors, and who say such nice things about what I write. (I fear I might need positive reinforcement a little too badly to embark on a freelance writing/decorating life, but we'll see!) And this time around, a special thank you to my friend Jo who sent me a plan to build my blog and helped me get some clarity around the function of these two spaces. And thanks, too, to my friend Sarah B, who said: "now you're doing what you love, the money will follow." Here's hoping she's right!

Eleri's haircut

2011-02-07T18:45:00.005-05:00

The girls got haircuts.
For weeks, two things had been happening: Eleri was constantly pushing her growing-out bangs out of her face, and Clio was asking to cut her hair short. So a week ago, while Dave was working some weekend hours and Eleri was refusing to nap, we headed off to kids' hair for some back-to-back styling.

Clio returned to her stacked bob, and I have to say, I was worried that she would be sad when her long hair was gone, but this was, once again, projecting. In fact, I was so worried that we hedged our bets, and the stylist gave her such a long bob it ended up just looking grown out and she basically had to do it all over again. The final result? Clio looks just like herself again, and bathtime is SO much more pleasant with less hair and fewer tangles to comb through.

As for Eleri, well, her history of hair challenges continues. Last time she got her hair cut, the stylist suggested that we stop doing bangs "because they'll never be in a clean line." But I've always thought she looked better with a bit of hair on her forehead, and frankly I don't think bangs need to be razor sharp to work. In fact, I often think a softer bang is better. So when I told this same stylist that I thought we should cut bangs for practical purposes, I figured she would be with me. I figured she would trim the existing bangs nice and long. But no. She told me all the reasons that we shouldn't cut "real" bangs, then took a nice big snip, mid-forehead. "Is that short enough?" She asked, as I almost gasped out loud. She proceeded to cut from about ear to ear, and for the fourth haircut in a row, I bundled Eleri out of the salon telling myself that it's just hair (it is!) and that it would grow back (it will!)

Yet once again, I have to admit: it's not what I intended, but it's pretty darn cute. The short bangs frame her eyes nicely, making them look even bigger, and the curls by her cheeks emphasize the last of the baby fat, which I love.

And really, don't you think she kind of looks like one of those campbell's soup kids?

Yeah, I think so. Is there anything cuter?

My sad blog

2011-02-03T11:05:00.003-05:00

I have made a discovery: no one is reading Clio Confidential anymore. At least, not according to my sitemeter. Of course, I have only myself to blame. I stopped posting parenting content these last few months as I got waylaid by design. Then, when there was new content, I stopped sharing it to facebook because I've been posting the design blog posts over there to scare up some readers, and didn't want to overload my FB network with blog posts. So perhaps no one knows that there is new content when there is new content. This realization about my readership raises the latest in a long string of questions about what this blog is supposed to be. I thought I had come to the conclusion that it is for the girls, but then really, why do I feel sad that no one is reading it?

These last six months have been tough for me. Things are not working out quite the way I expected since our big move, and I am nervous about the future. For the first time since starting this blog, I have chosen not to process my fears and all the changes we are going through here, partly because....well, I don't know why exactly. I didn't want to publicly admit defeat? I was scared of how I was thinking? I understood that this wasn't the place to feel sorry for myself? Probably all of the above, and then some.

I recently had to write a bio, and I found that, without a job or a clear sense of where my career is heading next, I didn't know what to say about myself, or how to define myself. It's funny, I know that I should say I am a "blogger"; it's something I love to do and have been doing regularly for a long time now. But "real" bloggers have readers, and are part of a "community of bloggers" and write guest posts on each other's sites etc. And to be honest, it feels a little late in the game to get in on all of that. I did make choices along the way that kept this blog personal, more of an online journal than a blog as it has come to be understood, and I'm okay with that. But I don't want to write into the void, or into a future where my girls can know too much about themselves from these pages. I do want readers, even if they are all people that I know. Maybe especially then.

So, I would love your input. Because I do know all (or most) of you, I'm not going to make a survey and ask you to fill it out, as professional bloggers sometimes do. But if you do read and enjoy this blog, and have stuck with me through the years, please leave a comment here, or email me, to let me know what kind of content you like and would like to see more of. I am terrible at asking for help, or putting myself out there, but I would so appreciate your thoughts!

Thanks, in advance.

Oh, and I'm thinking I'll repeat the February Post a Day Challenge, to get back on the horse. Although I am off to a slow start!

From the Archives

2011-01-30T21:13:00.004-05:00

Isn't it amazing when you find an old roll of undeveloped film? So full of possibilities. I remember my friend Jeff once told me that his father found a roll still in a camera, with a few pictures left. Mr. McKay finished the roll, and when he had them developed he discovered pictures of himself as a young child and as a father to grown children on the same roll. This is the loss that comes with the advances of digital photography.

Dave brought home a surprise roll the other day. Turns out, they are from Clio's first week. What a lovely gift to see these first looks we gave to one another.

And to see this serious expression on our always lively girl.

Bathing Beauties

2011-01-28T13:37:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure if it's some kind of survival mechanism relative to the number of consecutive days that snow has now been on the ground, or if it has to do with the uptick in the thermometer (to a balmy 30 degrees), but the girls have taken to wearing their bathing suits around the house. Sometimes they put dress-up dresses over the top, but I haven't caught that on film. Yet.

Flashback Friday: Walmart Portrait Studio

2011-01-28T13:21:00.001-05:00

It's flashback Friday over at the other blog, which means I've been going through old photos. I found these portraits of Clio that we had taken at the Walmart photo studio in Illinois when we visited Barb and Pete in May, 2008, about 6 weeks before Eleri was born. I could have sworn I wrote about the session back then, but I couldn't find the post. Until....I checked the DRAFTS from back then, and found this:

"Flipping through a Parents magazine on the plane to Illinois, I was inspired by a few ads for various portrait studios- JC Penney, Target, etc.- and suggested a trip to Wal*Mart as one potential outing with Clio. The idea was to let her pick out a new outfit, and then go ahead and have her first formal portrait sitting.

Let's just say it did not end up being a great experience. I take responsibility for the fact that the timing was just bad- we were really pushing things with both lunch time and nap time, and by the time we actually got started, Clio was not her absolute best.

But mostly, it had to do with the fact that the seemingly to-good-to-be-true deal is, in fact, too good to be true."

I don't remember the exact details of the bait and switch, but I do remember that there was one, and that we went in for a $10 package of photos and ended up spending more than $30, and the photos weren't even particularly good.

But from the vantage point of nearly three years later, they are good! They are! I mean, Clio has had many cuter moments, but aren't these fun?

Clio Grace, Author

2011-01-26T14:19:00.007-05:00

Clio has taken to making books. The process is pretty straightforward: Clio makes a bunch of related drawings, then puts them in order and dictates the words for each page, which a grown up writes down. Then she makes a cover, comes up with a title, and the whole thing is stapled together. Mostly this is a Daddy activity. I am delighted that I finally replaced our scanner (it broke while I was at the hospital birthing Clio, when a floating shelf came crashing down on top of it) so that I can share her artistry. Text for each page appears below the image.

I love this rainbow. I really want to buy it.

I really love this flower because it has some silver in the middle. I really want this flower because I think it has underwear.

I want to climb up this rainbow to get this snowman because it has underwear on its hands.

The flower I really like because it's all covered in red. There is also green.

This flower is so pretty. It just has some dandelions on each petal.

This flower has a flower inside of it.

This flower has rainbow petals on it.

This flower has pokes around it. Pokie pokes.

This street light has a monkey in its belly.

This whole thing is so crazy. Cause it is so crazy.

It's hard to argue with that. I might share a few of these, depending on how much patience I have for scanning and transcribing.

Outfit of the Week

2011-01-25T21:27:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, Eleri manages to get the dress-up clothes out of the basement and up into her daily wardrobe. She puts these things on herself, which is why she ultimately ends up with the layered look. (She's into layering these days anyway: short sleeve shirt over long, dress over skirt--that was a favorite tactic of Clio's at this age, too. Must be developmental, somehow?) I especially love the use of this dresses' waist band as a halter strap (which, incidentally, broke off and smacked her in the face when we tried to pull the dress down without pulling the stap over her head first. That was an unpleasant surprise.)

The self-dressing also accounts for the hunchback look, since Eleri can't pull her two shirts down under the dance dress.

Did I mention that she is also wearing sweatpants? Boys sweatpants two sizes too big, from the cast-off pile at school, no less.

And now that we're on the subject, Clio is rocking a while lot of a look here, too, only none of hers is from the dress up rack.

Eleri gets stuck in her shirt

2011-01-25T21:22:00.004-05:00

Her sister laughs.
Her father documents.
Where is her mother?

What a helpful bunch.

Surprise! New Look

2011-01-20T20:02:00.002-05:00

So here's what happened: All my pictures were feeling really, really dark. Looking at this blog was feeling gloomy. I hold two things responsible: the fact that I take so many pictures with our cherrywood table as a backdrop, and the blue tones of the original Clio Confidential design.

My new blog, Love Your Space, feels bright and fresh with a clean white background. So I got to thinking....

What you are looking at is probably not a finished design. It might be too simple. I don't know. But it feels like I can breathe when I look at the blog again, and for a while I couldn't. Liberating the design content to its own place also lets me breathe, and I'm so happy to post some regular old Clio Confidential content again. These are positive developments.

It's funny, though. It felt very sad to change the template here, to tinker around. For so long, this has been a place of comfort, the place of family history, and I was as used to the look of it as my own handwriting. I hesitated before applying a new template--what if I couldn't get the old one back? But then I remembered that, of course, it is the content, and not the design, that makes this blog special.

Another change: I've added the "if you like this post..." feature. So far, it seems to be picking posts at random, so I'll have to do some research to see if I can make it choose more relevant posts.

Let me know what you think. And be prepared for some tweaking over the coming days!

Heather

Tis the Season

2011-01-19T23:27:00.005-05:00

In the run-up to Christmas, I kept meaning to spend a day making gingerbread houses with the girls, but somehow this activity never materialized. So imagine my delight when I took the girls to Michael's the other day, and all holiday stuff was 80% off. There was one deluxe gingerbread house kit on the shelf, but no marked down tag, so I brought it to the counter to find out the price.

Are you ready for it?

Five dollars! So I snapped it up and brought it home, and the girls could hardly contain their excitement to put the thing together.

As it turns out, it was a multi-step process. The first night, we put the pieces together with icing, but had to let it dry at least 3 hours before decorating. To throw them a bone, I let the girls decorate the "guys," and used the rest of the first batch of icing to make snowbanks along the edges of the house. Clio and Eleri both approached this task with the philosophy that no part of a gingerbread person should remain undecorated, and the cookies ended up so top heavy, I had to reinforce their feet with gumdrop piles to keep them upright. Nonetheless, some happy, proud campers were on hand.

Tonight we got to finish decorating the house. Parental error number one: leaving the gingerbread house and all the fixins on the table with the children while I mixed up the second (of three) batch of icing. By the time I got to the table 4 minutes later, Eleri had eaten half of the snowdrifts on her side of the house, save the one I dug out of her mouth and washed down the sink. (A word of warning: if you ever buy one of these kits, do NOT read the nutritional value information on the box. I have literally never seen such a long list of chemicals on a "food" product.) There was much continued sneaking of candy, then a potty accident diminished our progress. After bath, the girls discovered that dried icing is much less amenable to candy decoration than wet icing, but Eleri showed little remorse for the interruption. They each got their hands on one of the icing bags, and all hell broke loose.

Still, I like the sort of Jeckyl and Hyde results. Clio's half:

Eleri's half:

I especially like the single bead in one window, which says to me that she did consider the windows a design element, but this is all she had for them.

I achieved balance myself by taking some control freaky measures on the icicles, the path to the house, and the green garland along the eaves, allowing the girls to wreak havoc pretty much everywhere else.

So, if we include this is a Christmas activity, our holiday was officially almost seven weeks long, beginning with a tree trimming party on December 5th, followed by Duggan Christmas on December 19, Wood Christmas on December 25, and Peterson Christmas January 1. And nary a photo or blog post in sight: shame on me. I think I'll just ignore that thing about how blogs should record the day to day and go ahead with an onslaught of holiday posts, thereby extending our celebrations just a little bit further.

Merry Christmas!

On the color of our skin

2011-01-17T16:17:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about race lately, and how we're not supposed to talk about it. And here I am, wanting to talk about it. I went to the zoo this weekend with the girls, my friend Rachel, and her two kids, a just-turned-7-year-old girl, Nadia, and a 1 year old boy, Givenson, who happen to be adopted from Haiti. A zoo volunteer, enjoying all the questions from the older girls, asked us "whose girls are those," and my instinct was to say, "the black ones are hers and the white ones are mine." I did not say this, of course, though it would have been both true and direct. Instead, we each pointed to our kids to claim them. I felt that the volunteer was probably proper (and safe) not to assume any particular combination of family, even though I am told my grils look just like me. We could have been a couple and all four kids could have been both of ours, for all anyone knew. Or we could have each had one biological and one adopted. Or, or, or.

After the volunteer went on our way, I confessed my instinct to Rachel, and told her that when Clio had asked me to remind her who Nadia was before we met up, I hesitated to describe her based on the color of her skin. Rachel said that people are funny this way, that she often hears things like, "Oh, is your daughter the one who loves to read, and carries such-and-such backpack?" In these cases, Rachel DOES say something like, "and her skin is brown? Yes, that's her." It is amazing to me that we go so far out of our way to avoid referring to the color of someone's skin, even in cases where it is the easiest, most obvious differentiation. It makes me think of Stephen Colbert's hilarious recurring gag that he "doesn't see color," which gets right to the heart of the matter: color is visual. It is something that we do see, that we all see, that we can't avoid seeing, period.

I was a little late picking the girls up from school on Thursday, and ended up staying for the music class that happens Thursday afternoons with the extended-day children. In honor of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, many of the songs were about civil rights. The school is incredibly diverse, and I found it quite wonderful to sit in a room of children of many colors singing "All the colors of the earth," a song that lists the colors children come in, including "chocolate, caramel, cinnamon" and so on. It was meaningful to see that my children will grow up in an environment where they live the truth of that book, rather than a classroom, like some of mine over the years, where a rather sheepish (white) teacher preaches multiculturalism to a room of white faces. It is a great hope that by the time they have kids of their own, we will live in such a mixed-color world that it will simply be a matter of practical description, and not at all loaded, to describe someone by their skin color, the way we might say someone has red hair or blue eyes.

For her part, Eleri colored this MLK crown for the school assembly, and I am told that she marched with the other toddlers across the stage, wearing their crowns and chanting Love, love, love, love, love.

New year, new blog

2011-01-14T21:55:00.002-05:00

After thinking it over for some time, I decided to make a single, simple resolution for 2011:

Act.

Yes, I realize the irony of taking this long to make the resolution to act, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. The thing is, for years and years, I have fallen into things, one after another. I've had tons of great opportunities and wonderful experiences. I have learned a lot. A LOT. My M.O. was to just say yes. I have looked forward to the payoff of all of this work, all the learning curves mastered (or at least, well, learned), all the skills built and connections made. But the truth is, I didn't stop all that often to think about what I wanted, and to notice whether the choices I was making were leading to some ultimate goal.

I have years of journals that circle back to one major theme: the idea that I am waiting for an invitation. From who? For what? Well, I suppose an invitation to do the things I want to do, to live the life I want to live. And of course I know that the only person who can issue that invitation is me.

And yet.

When I was in my 20s, my mom gave me a book called "I Could Do Anything if Only I Knew What It Was," and after much resistance and skepticism, I read that book (on a plane) like my life depended on it, like here was the answer. But the truth is. I knew what "It" was, I've always known. It's just far more terrifying to ask whether you can in fact do anything when the thing you want to do really matters to you. This is not a new story. I just read all about it in Oprah not too long ago, and that was only the latest iteration. I know, I know: Oprah. Yes, I hear myself. I think (and this is a miracle) that I may be starting to care a bit less about what others think. I may be too old to go chasing down each and every opportunity that I know damn well does not lead to that "ultimate goal." At the same time, I think I'm wise enough to know that my "ultimate goal" is still pretty vague and I will probably open a lot of wrong doors as I try to refine it. Is anyone still with me, through the cliches and the Oprah?

Okay, then. Let me be clear. I have always loved to do two things: decorate, and write.

So I'm doing more of both. In fact, I'm bringing together these two loves in a new blog. I made this decision a week ago, and then faced many setbacks in naming the thing, designing it, etc, all the while boiling over with content. So you know what? It isn't designed at all. Literally. No background, no color scheme (okay, there's a little bit of orange), no pretty patterns. That will come later. I know what I want it to look like, but the technology? Well, learning curve. I hope that some of you will read that blog as well as this one. I hope you will follow it, even. I feel that the growing split in content here on Clio Confidential has been a major struggle, and I feel relieved to put the design content somewhere else, to let this remain more of a parenting blog and, really, the family document that I started it to be. There may be kinks along the way, but I bet I can figure them out. Go ahead and share your thoughts with me, I'd love to hear from you.

So head on over to Love Your Space and read my first post: Let Them Eat Cake. It may not be the perfect "first" post, but you gotta start somewhere.

Outfit(s) of the Week

2011-01-13T09:36:00.002-05:00

My little fashionistas, sporting some new gear picked up at Christmas from the Nonners.
Looking good, kids!

The girls' room: After

2011-01-07T09:14:00.003-05:00

Well, it's not quite finished, there are lots of little finishing touches, but I figure the longer this gets drawn out the higher the expectation is (read: the more perfect I think the room needs to be to share.)

Remember the room before? Not much to it.

Here's the decorated room.

The silhouettes are placeholders--I'll probably do an asymmetrical arrangement over the beds to break up the symmetry. Just need to figure out what that is! Also need to decide on book storage for the foot of Clio's bed--small shelf, book bins, other?

And there's the rattan hanging chair. Needs to be hung (though Dave and I both had second thoughts when we saw the size of the screw that goes into the ceiling), and the cushion cover needs to be made.

It's hilarious to me that I had the balls to post before pictures just after Christmas, thinking I would be finished before we headed back to Illinois for New Year's. But that's the way these things go: projects take forever.

This is the only room in the house that I got to design completely from scratch--every other room had something to build around, whether the rug, or bedding, or another major piece. (Actually, untrue: the basement living room was from the ground up. That one came together quick and easy--I'll share sometime). Originally, I thought I would build the room around a pair of quilts the girls inherited from their great-grandmother, but then I learned that she made them herself in the 1930s, and the first time I narrowly averted something bad from interacting with the fabric (poop, marker), I made the suddenly not-so-tough decision to put them away until the girls are older. Let heirlooms be heirlooms.

I bought the raspberry fabric (prematurely) for a chair in the living room, but realized the quality and weight was really better suited to headboards, so started there. That awesome fabric for the curtains came next. I spotted it at SR Harris, the amazing discount fabric warehouse (literally 30,000 sf) that I am so happy to live near again. $8/ yard!

I think the thing I am most proud of in this room is the budget. Allow me:

Dresser: $42 at auction. Bar Keeper's Friend and a ton of elbow grease to clean the hardware.

Rug: $162 from Overstock.com (it's Safavieh and actually really well made. It is not as described in the posting online, but it works)

Headboards (plywood, foam, batting, and fabric): about $50 each

Fabric for curtains, cornice, bolsters, and blankets: about $100

Lumber and hardware for cornice: about $30

Bedding: white duvet sets on special for $16 each from Target (their RE brand). Quilted shams $12 each from TJ Maxx.
The bedding was my biggest sacrifice. Originally I wanted this set from PB Teen, with a graphic border around the edges in brown. In the end, I think that may have been too strong, but I liked two options from the regular Pottery Barn: this hotel-style bedding and this whimsical version with embroidered dots. Both would have brought things up a notch, but even on special the duvets were $59 each and shams were $19 each. I think I did better than that! I considered using up my vintage green grosgrain ribbon to make a similar border, but my sewing isn't that good. As it is turning out plain white bedding is more forgiving: you can't tell if it's on straight or not. A good thing for a 4 and 2 year old!

Awesome yellow artichoke Lamps: $29 each from Home Goods

Rattan Chair: $50 from craigslist

We already had the white Ikea table and stools, the twin beds, and the current art.

TOTAL: $598

Now, some people will think that's still a lot to spend on a little girls' room (my husband may be among them), but buying just the headboards (instead of making them) would have cost about that much, so I'll go ahead and pat myself on the back.

As i figure out the last bits and pieces, I may put some options to a vote. I've been looking at this for too long, I may need a fresh opinion!

Thanks for looking.

Progress

2011-01-04T15:12:00.004-05:00

Okay, I didn't mean for that to be such a tease. When I posted the "before" pictures, I thought the "after" was imminent. I was wrong. A couple of projects had all kinds of setbacks, but progress is being made, and there's only one major thing left for me to do in there before I can reveal the room, which is looking quite adorable if I do say so myself.

Here's a sneak peek of some of the things I've been working on.

I just made these bolsters for the beds.

I love moire fabric--reminds me of my grandmother and covered the tables at our wedding--and there's just something about a chartreuse moire bolster that makes me weak in the knees. This is a pretty simple project--you basically sew a tube and then put a casing on either end--but I decided to find directions online instead of trying to do the math myself. I liked the way they explained it over at Canadian Living, but I misunderstood the folding directions for the casings and ended up with these long poochy ends.

Solution: a little pleat at the end of the bolster, which gives a more finished, tailored look anyway and highlights the puckered ends.

To make the pleat ,I just measured the radius of the circle at the bolster end, then measured in the same distance on each of the ends of the fabric tube, folded it under, and used about a 1/4 inch seam allowance to stitch all the way around. I didn't even have to pin it, which was awesome.

I also had a remnant of a super cute plaid that I found in my fabric box that I bought about 10 years ago for who knows what project that never got finished. (Or started.) The colors pick up on the scheme in the curtain fabric, and I like that it feels young and sort of preppy. I considered it for the bolsters (the only thing cuter than a moire bolster is a plaid one), but I wanted a larger dose of it in the room, so I decided to make little throws for the ends of the beds. Since I only had 1 1/2 yards, I ended up making what is apparently called a "bed scarf": a throw that drapes over the ends of the bed and comes up about 1/4 to a 1/3 of the way. The woman in the fabric store told me hotels started making them a few years back to save on fabric.

I bought some ivory fleece for backing (on sale for $3.99 a yard!) and picked up some Wright's blanket edging to finish it off. I followed the directions here on the wright's website (though they don't tell you how to do the final corner, so I just made it up). My corners aren't exactly perfect, but I'm mostly happy with the result--sort of baby blanket like.

It occurred to me as I made the second one that I could have just sewed the plaid and the fleece together inside out and ended up with a finished throw without a binding which may have been a little more sophisticated. If I was doing it over again, I would probably consider piping the edges instead of a blanket binding--I'm not sure I love that satin. But hey, the girls are only 2 and 4, and I'm guessing these will be used largely as blankets for their dolls.

Lastly, I FINALLY tracked down this chair on craiglist, which I was originally supposed to go see just before Thanksgiving.

I know, what am I thinking, right? A rattan swing chair plus plaid blankets plus chartreuse moire? The curtains pull it all together, I promise. I'm sort of tempted to paint the chair since it's not in the greatest shape, but I think I'll make a new cushion in cute fabric and get it up in the room before I decide.

The rug arrives tonight, I think I can build the cornice tomorrow, and then.... voila.

It has been so much fun pulling all of this together, though I'm not sure I've ever done quite so much sewing in my life!

Decorating the Girls Room

2010-12-29T11:51:00.005-05:00

I have many posts to get to (Santa, the tree, etc.), but short on time. The girls stayed in Illinois with Grandma and Grandpa for a few days while Dave and I headed home to Minneapolis so Dave could work. Meanwhile, I got a few days to focus on decorating the girls room as a surprise for their return on Saturday.

I actually remembered to take a "before" picture of the completely un-decorated room.

The layout is actually pretty functional for now, so that won't really change. It's all about what's coming in. Remember the new campaign dresser? That's going in (the hardware is all cleaned up, making a huge difference). Plus the raspberry "velvet" that I ordered online and that turned out to be more of a microfiber or faux suede. Curtains are made, lamps have been found, progress, progress, progress.

Can't wait to share the "after"!

The belated birthday post

2010-12-22T22:34:00.004-05:00

In recent years, my birthday hasn't felt much like something of note. You know, a day like any other. And this was shaping up to be more of the same. I do not say this with bitterness, or sadness, or any other -ness that might denote negative feelings. I say it in the matter-of-fact way that I feel it. So many other, bigger, better milestones have been hit in the lat 5 years, my own birthdays pale in comparison. Like many other "special" days for me, the trend has been to take it as a "me" day, to go out, by myself, shopping or manicuring or even just running errands in peace. These days I have a lot of that kind of me time--while I always seem to be busy, it is not busy with a job, and time for errands is a plenty. I did get to bring my mom along for that kind of lovely meandering day, and lunch--a bonus of our new proximity. Dave and I were planning a night out together this time around, but my birthday fell on a Friday, and we forgot to call sooner, and out sitter was busy, and, well, no date night.

So we did something revolutionary. We celebrated my birthday as a family. I know, this is the obvious thing to do for so many of you, but for the first time in my life as a mother, it seemed like such a nice thing to choose to spend time with my kids on my special day instead of cashing in my chips for time off.

We went bowling. A first for the girls. I had noticed a throwback bowling alley on my way to bring the girls to the doctor last month, and it came back to me in a flash of inspiration. They have a little ramp that the girls got to send their balls down, and bumpers to keep them in the lane, and you can order dinner right at your table, lane-side. Eleri got cranberry juice and Clio got chocolate milk, so they were happy....and hyper. But they took turns nicely and waited patiently and didn't get upset if they didn't get a lot of pins down. The people in the lanes on either side of us were charmed by the children. And I bowled okay. Even broke 100. It was a nice birthday.

Though I will admit, it would have been nicer if the snow hadn't rolled in that night, closing airports and keeping Marni from getting here for the show-up-on-the-doorstep surprise she had planned with Dave. Just the thought of it is so wonderful: a night of bowling with my family followed by a weekend of girl talk, good restaurants, wine, and cake with my maid of honor.

Sigh.

The Number 1 Reason We Moved to Minnesota

2010-12-20T23:51:00.003-05:00

Okay, maybe there were other, equally important factors. But seriously, cousins are the best. This is the first group of pictures of the lot of them together.

Happy Accidents

2010-12-08T16:06:00.004-05:00

I've been slowly but surely thinking my way through design for the girls' room, and in the process I ordered a great looking and super inexpensive cotton pile rug from Overstock.com. I was inspired by this photo from Domino (We inherited a similar shade of blue on the walls and I already have raspberry microsuede for headboards and love the total effect)

as well as an outfit that Clio loves to wear which includes a white top with black stripes and a red sequined heart and a tiny floral print skirt (which in my mind translates to Liberty of London for Target bedding or accessories, though of course I missed my moment on that and would have to shell out for it on ebay one piece at a time. I never do things the easy way, do I?)

So I was really excited to find a 5x7 black and white bold striped rug for only $100.

Now, I was initially skeptical about ordering rugs online. You can't feel the pile, you can't really see the color, and the pattern could show up much more (or less) pronounced than it looks in photos. But I ordered one for the basement with great success, and found that I was hooked. There is just so much VARIETY on overstock, the prices are uniformly reasonable, shipping is fast and practically free, and you can search by size, color, pattern, style, material, and price point, which is really tremendous.

Well, fast forward to last week when my black and white striped rug arrived, only.... it was BROWN and IVORY. Damn internet. Seriously, under no circumstances could this rug be considered in the black family, and the color scheme just sort of felt muddy and, well, wrong in the girls room.

But guess what? Inspiration struck and I tried the rug in our bedroom, where I must say, it looks fabulous.

Don't you think? I have been using an old sheepskin rug in there, which I was kind of digging, but my grandmother's white upholstered boudoir chairs will migrate back into the bedroom when the living room loveseat arrives, and that will all be a bit monochromatic for me. The fun thing is that I NEVER would have thought to buy this rug for this room. So much brown. So much strong, graphic pattern. Just proves once again that more is more.

Little Photographers

2010-12-07T21:35:00.006-05:00

Clio got her very own "Crama" for Christmas two years ago, and I posted some "Clio's-eye view" shots here back then. Eleri has now discovered the joys of digital photography, and both girls have been examining our house and family through the lens.

I love the angle of these shots, corresponding with the height of the photographers.

There are lots of slightly-too-close shots, like these.

The camera also takes an especially long time to actually take the picture, leading Dave and I to get sillier and sillier as we wait to be immortalized on film.

And if that weren't bad enough, Clio has been posing us. No, we don't naturally stand that way.

As for Eleri? Well, she hasn't fully grasped the concept of aiming the camera, and her pictures mostly look like this.
Still, I love that we have this view on their perspectives, and think Clio is ready to try the "grown up" canon elf.

Making a Tree Topper

2010-12-06T23:08:00.005-05:00

Clio and I have been reading Fancy Nancy Splendiferous Christmas, in which Nancy accidentally breaks the tree-topper she bought during the summer with all of her birthday money ("it's never too early to start planning for Christmas!"), and her grandfather helps her make a new one from paper plates and pipe cleaners, telling her that she can pass it down to her children some day. Clio is, naturally, obsessed with this "heirloom" tree topper, and has been begging me to make one of her very own. She has observed that most tree toppers are either angels or stars, and determined that this year she would like an angel--and next year she will make a star.

The girls are lucky enough to have their very own silver and pink tinsel tree in their room--my mom spotted it in a store window when she met Clio and I to see Enchanted in the Highland movie theater last week (the theater my mom used to walk to for films when she was a girl), and she brought us in after the movie and asked Clio to pick a color. I know, it's shocking that she chose pink.

At Target this weekend I let them each choose an ornament from the $2 bin. Eleri chose a Christmas Tree and Clio chose a stocking (or, as she has been saying, a sock or a socking.)

Tonight after school we went about making an angel for said tree with craft foam and craft "jewels." I must say, I'm getting a TON of mileage out of this craft foam that I bought--and did not use--for a project for Clio's birthday party last summer.

First, I drew a half-circle on yellow foam (Clio's chosen color) for the skirt, and Clio cut it out.

Then I cut two torsos from sparkly blue foam that has a sticky back, and wings from non-sticky green foam. Clio decorated the wings with the letter R, and I sandwiched it altogether while Clio was decorating the skirt with bits and shapes of glitter foam that she cut herself. I cut a white oval for the face, and used green glitter foam for the halo, again sandwiching two pieces sticky-side together to remain glue-free. Clio drew a face, and added some jewels to the front of the wings.

Next I looped the decorated half circle into a cone around this body, stapling it at the back. Clio cut a piece of green grosgrain ribbon for a belt, and we used a dot of glue at the back to secure it.

How cute is that?

I have to say, I am proud of myself (probably more than I should be) for letting Clio do this on her own without me interfering to make it look for "perfect" and polished. This is about 100% Clio, and I think it looks fabulous.

Plus, she was so proud putting it up on top of her little tree.

Outfit of the Week

2010-12-06T22:48:00.002-05:00

I must say, Eleri is really coming into her own in this "column"

I won!

2010-12-06T22:13:00.005-05:00

You know how people in design magazines (home or fashion) are always talking about finding the PERFECT authentic designer whatever on the curb and bringing it home to love? Kate Bosworth is on the cover of Lucky this month, and the story includes a photo of a vintage Michael Kors skirt that she got in Detroit (or somewhere random) for $15. And while I have to wonder just how vintage Michael Kors gets, I can relate to her sentiment that "they didn't even know what they were sitting on." One woman's trash is another woman's design magazine nonchalance.

Well. I'm coming to the end of my decorating budget, and I had JUST been complaining to Dave how I never fid what I am looking for for a steal, when I found exactly the right 70s campaign-style dresser on Craigslist for $75. Not super cheap, but also WAY cheaper than a new dresser or a great vintage dresser in a store. I immediately called the phone number only to be told that it was going up for AUCTION. The upside: I would probably get it "even cheaper." The downside: I would have to wait more than a week, and risk losing out on it altogether. As the week progressed, I was the only bidder, and the price was a cool two bucks. And I realized: they didn't even know what they were sitting on! There was some action in the middle there, but guess what? I won. Oh, yeah.

Final price: $35.
(plus tax and commission, making the actual out of pocket cost around $42. Oh, and bonus: its from the jobs foundation, which works to maintain living-wage jobs, so its almost like making a charitable donation, to boot.)

It will probably go in the girls' room (but it may end up in our room, who knows?) I'm thinking of painting it white, nicely offset by those brass corners and drawer pulls. Won't that be cute with pale blue walls and raspberry headboards?

Look at me, creating yet another project before I have completed the dining room curtains or even begun the headboards. But it feels like it might just be coming together.

Next up: hauling my butt out to Plymouth to pick up the dresser. I sure do hope they help load up the car.

Face Paint

2010-11-30T10:43:00.004-05:00

It's starting to look like Clio has two modes for the camera: shrieking "Don't take my picture!!!!!!!!" and throwing her hands up in front of her face, and total, utter ham.

Dave took the girls to the Children's Museum this weekend for a little much-needed Daddy time (while I had some much-needed Mommy time at home), and I was surprised that they came home having painted their faces. Clio has a short history of starting to get her face painted and then changing her mind mid-stream; perhaps the difference here is that the paint was self-administered?

Whatever the cause, I think I may have found the cover for this year's Christmas photo book.

Next up: Headboards

2010-11-30T10:35:00.004-05:00

I can admit that I am better at starting projects than finishing them. Better yet at dreaming them up than actually starting them. Which is why Dave has told me in no uncertain terms that he will not help me cut the plywood for the girls' headboards until after I have sewn the dining room curtains. (12 yards of beautiful chartreuse silk has been hanging by clips for months now. In past rooms, I have pinned up curtain fabric and then never took the project further, but my sister-in-law, a designer and maker of beautiful curtains, has asked me to please not do that to this fabric.)

Still, it can't hurt to get a visual, right? Oddly enough, I'm no perfectionist when it comes to this kind of thing--I'm more of an eyeballer--it's more to get an idea of the right scale and shape.

Cute, right?

I'll use the raspberry "velvet" that I ordered online online to discover that it was more of a microsuede--not great for the living room chair for which it was intended, perfect for headboards in a little girls' room.

I'll share photos if the actual headboards ever make it to fruition.

In the meantime, enjoy these rare shots of Clio hamming it up.

An actress, perhaps? Believe me, her crocodile-tears performances are already Oscar-worthy.

Mosaics

2010-11-22T09:52:00.004-05:00

The girls woke up a bit under the weather yesterday, with Clio's fever clocking in at 102. Combined with the icy roads advisory in effect all morning, it was clearly time for some house-bound activities.

Clio had recently noticed a small city beautification project on the way to school: a number of decorative tile mosaics embedded along a curb. I told her they were called mosaics, that we could look at pictures of more of them online, and that maybe we could even make some. I thought I'd pick up a kit at Michael's, but necessity being the mother of invention and all, I realized I had everything I needed to make my own kit.
We started with a pile of glittery craft foam with sticky backs, and cut them into long strips and then crosswise into small squares. Clio and Eleri did a great job of sorting them into tupperware cups. Then we got to work.

In planning our designs, I tried to show Clio some examples online, but she was pretty sure that she knew what to do and therefore did not need such instruction/ inspiration. Sure enough, she dove right in with this strong graphic line across the paper.
She added some flowers,
And decided she would "cover every part of the black," ending up with a sculptural effect in the corner.

Eleri, meanwhile, made some play-doh worms.
All of this kept the girls occupied through until lunch, and Clio even needed to put on some finishing touches after we ate.

As for me, well, here's mine. Dave said "Honey, did you make some stylized flowers?"

I guess he does read this blog after all.

All those little stickers produce quite a pile of little squares of white paper. They would make excellent confetti, should you have a use for such a thing. I considered saving ours for just such a purpose, but quickly determined this was crazy, then considered using it on the spot, but knowing what the cleanup would entail, I decided this was insane.

We'll just enjoy our mosaics without the accompanying confetti celebration.

Toddler Field Trip

2010-11-19T22:12:00.004-05:00

On Thursday, I volunteered to chaperone Eleri's class room on their very first field trip. (This is one of the upsides of not having found a job: more time to be part of the school community.) Miss Becca's ambitious plan: taking 13 toddlers on a city bus to the downtown public library for a story time presentation from cast members of the Curious George show playing in town.

Yes, that's right, 13 2-year-olds on a City Bus. When I predicted that this would be "interesting," my own mother suggested this was a positive choice of words. The adventure included getting on the "donut" chain gang, walking a block to the bus stop, boarding the bus and riding a couple of miles downtown, then chain-ganging it about 5 blocks to the library. Five looong blocks. Do you have any idea how slow a train of 13 toddlers moves?

You know what, though? It was great. The kids were great. Their teachers have amazing, unmatched reserves of patiences, stillness, and slowness (the good kind.) There is, in fact, nothing cuter than a toddler train, particularly the surprise of it downtown in a city where most children live in more residential areas, and many a smile could be found on the faces of unsuspecting office workers out on the sidewalk.

There were, off course, a few sour-pusses, and I feel it is my duty to call them out here.

1. The bus from school to the library was quite crowded, and while many people were absolutely lovely about giving up their seats for the little people, one guy suggested to Miss Sharon that we should have taken a school bus. When she laughed to indicate how silly this was (taking the CITY bus with the PEOPLE was part of the point), he said: No really. Next time, take a school bus. Sour apples.

2. Turns out, Eleri did not like Curious George, aka a person jumping around in a monkey suit, and therefore started screaming "Take me OUT" and pointing outside the moment the monkey, anxiously-awaited by others, appeared on the scene. I had to pick up my daughter, her coat, her backpack, my coat, my purse, my waterbottle, and various scarves and dead lift the kid and all the gear, all the while feeling guilty that the kid was a.) terrified and b.) ruining it for everyone else with her wails. Just as I was trying to maneuver out of there without knocking any poor unsuspecting children upside the head with a scarf, the nice woman behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Ma'am. Could you sit down please? We can't see." I will admit, I could have been nicer. What I said was this: "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm trying to take my terrified child out of here so she won't bother the rest of the children with her screams." Then I turned on my heel, carefully, so as not to maul tiny fingers, and went on my way.

For the record, Eleri insisted on being taken all the way out of the library, and would have preferred if I would have taken her all the way out of the building, but with temperatures south of 40 degrees, I demurred.

It was nothing a little snack could not fix. Apples, cheese, and water, perfect in the library atrium for the task of fortifying our kiddos before their 6-block walk back to the bus stop.

(Above, from left: William, James, Eleri, Gracie, Axel, Max, Justus, Hyadi, Koen, Bridget, Raquel, Sundjata, and Promise)

Tired, tired, kiddos.

Thankfully, the bus was nearly empty and we lined them up all in two rows.
(Here is Hyadi, Raquel, Promise, Max, and Bridget):

By the time we made it back to the bus stop by the school, at least 3 of the kids were asleep (or very nearly so), including William, in my lap. (Eleri and Koen were up on their knees, busily investigating everything that passed the bus by, past tired to that place that borders hysteria.)

When we walked back in to the school, we met with warm welcomes, and a little applause.

I imagine everyone slept well that night--parents included.

Outifit of the week, First snowfall edition

2010-11-19T22:02:00.002-05:00

Winter is here, offering an endless array of new options to accessorize.

Love Eleri's choice of overscael prints and bold colors. Go, girl.

A Trend

2010-11-18T22:40:00.007-05:00

I have a post in the works, one in the What I Learned From Decorating a Rental series, that talks about using what you have. In it, I list some of the things I am drawn to over and over again: the color orange, shiny things, chinoiserie, campaign furniture, bird motifs, and so on.

Meanwhile, I've been trying to hunt down the perfect wallpaper for my dining room accent wall (tricky in part because the dining room is chartreuse, coral, and teal, and looks into the living room which is more or less orange and brown, but nicer than that sounds), and I found myself noticing this chrysanthemum in a bunch of supermarket flowers I used for a dinner party.

It kind of reminded me of the shape and texture of the chandelier.

And as I started looking at wallpapers with big, round, petally flowers (mums, peonies, magnolias), I started to notice a theme around the house.

It is likely no coincidence that I recently read an old post on Little Greene Notebook in which the designer is selling off her stock of fabric and mentions her love of stylized flowers. I did not at that moment go, wait a minute, I love stylized flowers! But I suppose it is no wonder that I love her blog when she loves stylized flowers, did an entire post on campaign-style dressers, and picked the very same Domino inspiration-photo of raspberry headboards in a pale blue room for a blog post that I singled out to guide the design of the girls' room.

At first I thought, the chandelier is new, the flower itself is new, all these wallpapers are things I am looking at right now: trend. But in fact, I have been digging stylized flowers for years now.

The tour:

A velvet pillow from Urban Outfitter, circa (approximately) 2000 and in and out of the living room since then.

Linen fabric purchased in 2000, used to reupholster a pair of vintage 50s cane-sided armchairs. The fabric left over is in consideration for use in the girls room (Oh my, it just came to me: Shower curtain!)

Chinoiserie headboard and armoire, purchased by my parents a long time ago, inherited by me in 1999.

Hand-blocked pillowcases from ABC carpet and home, purchased for said headboard around 2001 (I wanted an entire set, but the pillowcases were all I could afford! Now in the guest room but, sadly, disintegrating)

The Dwell Studio for Target bedding chosen to update said headboard, 2007 or 8 (I was so desperate for this bedding that, when it sold out immediately in Brooklyn, I had my mom pick it up in the Twin Cities and mail it to me. Don't I have an awesome mom?)

Anthropologie Eternal Blooms hand towels and vintage Magnolia prints in the girls' bathroom, purchased this year.

Isn't it funny when we have a thing but don't see it? Look around your house: any themes you weren't aware of?

I guess I better officially add stylized flowers to my list of love-it-forever decor.

Unless, of course, recognizing it is the first step in moving on. Hmmmm..... in tha case, what's next?

Teeny Tiny Ponytails

2010-11-11T10:39:00.003-05:00

Eleri's hair is finally growing out from the super-short pixie cut I inflicted on her back in the spring. In fact, it is just long enough that we're back to the same problem that led to the twiggy look: a big rats nest at the back, which she does not want combed. I was planning to get her hair trimmed down a bit, when all of a sudden Eleri started wanting her hair done up in pigtails. The inspiration? Clio, naturally. Clio rarely wants anything done with her hair, but last week she had pigtails, and then yesterday she requested two braids. When Clio gets her hair done, Eleri insists on having hers done, too.

We call these "teeny, tiny ponytails" which you must say in a high, squeaky, teeny-tiny voice.

Dave walked Eleri out the door the other day and turned back to say "she looks like a tiny little ninja."

You know what? She often acts like one, too.

I do think she looks different with her hair back like this. She's gotten much taller, too, and suddenly she looks like a kid, not so much a toddler.

It always sneaks up on you, doesn't it?

Masks!

2010-11-11T10:33:00.003-05:00

Since Dave's new job has been keeping him away for most of the girls' waking hours on weekends, I've had to get a little creative to keep them occupied and engaged, while keeping myself sane. This is actually a good thing: while it can be a good thing to give kids plenty of free time to do as they wish, I think we've gotten a little lay about providing activities in the house.

Last weekend, I suppose inspired by halloween, the girls made masks. I had a bunch of craft foam from when I thought we would make crowns for their princess birthday party in July (we made castle picture frames instead), so I just drew up some different shapes, let them choose a shape and color, made eye holes, then let them get to work decorating. I set out feathers, stickers, glitter glue, jewels, and cut shapes from glittery craft foam with an adhesive back. They LOVE using scissors and glue, and they're always looking for ways to use the jewels, so everyone was happy.

This is Eleri's in progress:

And his is Clio's finished product. Well, finished at the time. She went back and made some adjustments the next day.

Halloween!

2010-11-10T15:20:00.002-05:00

Science Museum!

2010-11-10T15:19:00.002-05:00

Sculpture Garden!

2010-11-10T15:17:00.001-05:00

Apple Tree Farm!

2010-11-10T15:04:00.006-05:00

Speaking of pumpkin patches, we headed to Apple Tree Farm with the Hewitts in mid-October (though you might think it was August from the heat and humidity.)

There was a hayride,

And a corn maze (which was really quite impressive- it went on and on. Luckily, I'm the only one who was lost by the others, and not a small child.)

And there were apple cider donuts.

There was not, however, any apple picking, and there was not any picnicking with food made or purchased off-premises, which meant some modified tail gating and snacks in the grass in a strip between cars.

The strangest thing about the day was the feeling of being back in New York, where it seems that a million people have the same good idea as you on the day you have it, and there are inexplicable lines and regulations for something that seems it should be all natural. There is some perverse comfort in the idea that it's not just new york.

Pumpkins!

2010-11-10T14:59:00.003-05:00

Eleri, in particular, got in on the action this year. Not only was she excellent at digging out the "gloop," she also shouted out "pumpkin patch!" anytime we passed a pumpkin of any kind, anywhere.

Clio designed one of the faces (I had the honor of designing the other), but I forgot to capture the finished project on film, and now the faces have fallen in from rot. Oh, well. I guess this way we won't even know if we repeat ourselves next year.

Oh, my, how time is flying

2010-11-10T13:38:00.002-05:00

It's amazing how busy you can be when you don't have a whole bunch of regular commitments, otherwise known as a job. It seems that, with more time than usual at your disposal, your center of gravity shifts and you simply slow down. The few things you have to do take up all your time, or, worse, you don't do them at all. You might even forget things, like returning emails, or that you have a blog that might still have some readers left.

We've been busy. We had a visit from Grandma and Grandpa. It was a long weekend at school, and on Thursday evening we went to the sculpture garden, had a picnic outside the Walker, and toured the galleries for free thursday night. Friday we headed to Stillwater with Nonny, where we checked out the Teddy Bear Playground and had lunch outside at the local burger joint. The rainy weekend brought pumpkin carving, a trip to the science museum, Clio's first trip to the Children's Theater (her delight should merit its own post), a big family dinner, and other activities I would have remembered if only I had blogged sooner.

We had the tile and under-counter lights installed in the kitchen, and they look great.

I considered (and continue to consider) rasberry-colored upholstery for the danish armchair in the living room. I sourced about 100 possible wallpapers for the living and dining rooms. Important work, I know.

I had a 4 1/2 hour interview for a job that I think I would like. No decision will be made until early December. You see how time just opens up before me? (I do not take this for granted. I know many mothers who would like nothing more than a break, some free days with their children in school. I am appreciative, even if I sometimes feel that I am waiting to see the shape life will take before doing much, before making decisions. Rather than beginning my life, I am waiting for my life to begin again.)

Dave started working part time at Whole Foods, and schedules became complicated.

Then Halloween was upon us. I had the girls on my own all weekend. There was last-minute costume hunting and making. There was a nighttime trip to Excelsior for the haunted trolley ride with cousins Finn and Lucia. Halloween morning we went, in costume, to the Children's Museum for Spooky Hollow, a "spooky" nighttime version of their Earth World exhibit. Then, of course, there was trick or treating. We lost Clio's Ladybug girl tutu, and she embraced just being a ladybug, instead. She was not bothered that her butterfly-like wings caused people not to know she was a ladybug. She just turned around so they could see her wings were, in fact red. That there were black spots.

Clio was, perhaps, the most enthusiastic trick or treater I have ever encountered. She bounded ahead to the next door (in our little neighborhood group, she was the biggest by more than a year, a fact she generally felt proud of, and considered herself the trailblazer.) At the first house they asked if she would like TWO pieces of candy; Clio took this as signal to request a second piece at future houses, until I caught wind of what she was up to. At some houses, the candy- hander-outers could not even get the door open, as a ladybug appeared to have attached herself to the outside of their screens, as ladybugs will do.

Dave came home from work just as I was adding layers to the girls outfits before going out for round two, so he got to experience the trick or treating and I got to hand out a tiny portion of the 5-lb bag of candy we had picked up at Costco. Eleri came home in tears because she did not like some of the masks ("it scares me"), but Clio went out for round three.

It must be fun to be four. So much enthusiasm. Things are new enough, but not brand new. She knows the ropes but has not lost interest. This is how it was earlier in the month, when she got her haircut, and when we went to the movies with Morgan and Greta. Big enough to not be completely awestruck or nervous, little enough to be utterly delighted. (At the movie, 7-year old Morgan said to her Mom, "I think Clio is enjoying this the most.")

You may notice that my thoughts are scattered. This is not an isolated incident: I think this is the other thing that happens when you have time. You can lose focus. I am deadline-oriented; I think I need a sense of urgency sometimes to get things done. And I think that often over the past few years writing on this blog has been a handy escape for me. A pleasurable way to work out some of the struggles of being a busy working mom, of resolving all the change and transition. Right now, here I am, with nothing to escape from, and not much to work out. This is a privileged position, but also a strange one for me. We'll see what i make of it as it plays out, I suppose.

Some Design BLogs, by request

2010-10-21T11:30:00.004-04:00

People sometimes ask me what blogs I read and what sources I like for design inspiration. As mentioned, most of the blogs I've been browsing lately have been regular-people blogs, though the best ones tend to be ladies with some kind of design biz going on.

I'm liking:

Little Green Notebook

Making it Lovely (she's a stationery designer and is chrononcling the trandofmration of her own bungalow. She also does this fun thing called Making it Yours where she does several inspiration rooms based around one piece)

Young House Love is one of those success stories where the couple is now full-time blogging. They seem really sweet, they write well, and it's fun to see such a complete DIY makeover, but I have to say I find their taste a little uninspired. Very clean and fresh, just not totally my thing.

Simple Lovely is redoing a 70s house, which you don't see all the time. She also shares lots of tidbits about fashion, jewelry, craft, etc.

The winner of the most recent HGTV Design Star has a blog. So far, I'm not totally convinced, but I think this is a crazy time for her, what with starting up a new TV show and all.

I check in on Design Mom every once in a while. In addition to designy stuff, there's lots of mom stuff here, like birth stories, that kind of thing.

Then there are some of the "classic" design blogs, like designsponge, peak of chic, and apartment therapy. These are mostly larger operations with lots of content and different inspirations, as opposed to one person's journey/vision. And of course there's Lonny, the one-year old design magazine that is fully online and doing its darndest to fill Domino's albeit large footsteps. It can be uneven and the writing isn't the best, but they are definitely hitting their stride, and I am definitely psyched when I get the notice in my inbox that a new issue is up!

Of course, there are many, many others. There are two that I found, loved, and lost: one from a woman who is way into 70s glam-rock style and one from a hilarious British woman. Both I found my linking through blogrolls on design blogs (another great source!), but I have been unable to trace my steps back to either one of them for the time being. There are also lots of bad ones, but even those can be fun for what they provide: a window into the way people are living their lives and loving their homes.

Any favorites out there? Leave a link in the comments section!

Little Ballerinas

2010-10-21T11:19:00.004-04:00

I got this red tutu for Clio's Halloween costume. She will be dressing up as Ladybug Girl, from our favorite books. She has suggested that Daddy be Bumblebee Boy. I do, in fact, have a bumblebee costume in a size 2T, so perhaps Eleri can fill this role, if she rejects the dragon costume I got her. Naturally, she would like to try it out. At first Eleri was pissed that she didn't have a red tutu, and one of the other tutus in the house would console her, not the multi-colored one with the flowers at the waist, not the little white one with glittery confetti in the hem, not even Clio's princess skirts, which are really halfway to being tutus, even though those are undeniably Clio's. But last night Eleri decided to get her some tutu action, and Dave convinced the un-photographable Clio to participate in a little photo shoot.

I couldn't edit the photos any further.

Can't hardly stand the cuteness!

(Eleri fell on the playground the other day, hence the beat-up nose.)

Structual Improvements

2010-10-20T22:39:00.006-04:00

Dave and I have never really been ones for making improvements to a house of any lasting nature. I think we think we're all DIY, yet the first house we chose to buy together had just been renovated and the next was brand spankin new. I'm hoping we're staying put for a while, and because we set aside a little budget to decorate, we decided to invest in some strategic upgrades. Like having an electrician work some magic in adding a chandelier in the middle of all the can lights in the dining room and tiling the backsplash in the kitchen.

I had never seriously investigated tile before, though I do know that the first time I went online to look around a bit, I chose a gorgeous limited-edition gold-leafed tile that retailed for about $200 PER SQUARE FOOT. In Boulder, our friends Amy and Justin did a gut renovation of their kitchen, and when deciding on tile they went for an option more in the $2/SF range, and Amy installed it herself. Our backsplash is 2 feet by 12 feet, and we settled on $5/SF for our budget. I found some tile outlets in Plymouth, MN, and away we went.

And get this: we came home with tile the very same day. You may or may not know Dave and I well enough to know that this is nothing short of a miracle. With no advanced research, we went into the field, visited three stores, and MADE A PURCHASE. Truly amazing.

Here's the thing, though. There are about 3 options for tile in the $5/SF range if you do not want white subway tile. (We are certainly fans of white subway tile, it's just that we needed a little more life back there.) We found these pretty glass tiles in the perfect shade of green, but I was almost positive that I did not want squares.

When we came across a glazed ceramic hex tile for $5.20/sf, it was only a matter of deciding between the smaller and larger sizes and the "moss" or the "milk." I found a birch cabinet in the store, plunked our countertop sample down, and proceeded to stand about 10 feet back while Dave switched samples back and forth. (Sometimes I do this thing where I turn around or go around the corner so I can "walk into the room" and let the material take me by surprise. I swear, it works.) Here's the penny tile from the same line.

(I will also point out that Home Depot had similar penny tiles for twice as much money. Home Depot! And they did not have the fabulous hex.)

And here's Dave with the small moss hex tile.

I loved the moss color, but ultimately felt the larger tiles were better and they didn't come in the greenish tone. Ultimately, viewed from a distance of 15 feet, we realized that the small tile would just read as a wash of color, whereas the larger tile would read as a white wall with a delicately drawn honeycomb pattern, and the answer was clear.

Install is tomorrow.

Related to this. We had been discussing some under-light cabinets, and realized we would have to put them in before the tile, so we scrambled and headed out to an electric wonderland where we picked up some stainless steel 40" xenon lights from counter attack. (get it? clever, no?) THEY went in this morning, and now I can actually see the dishes I am washing!

I never think of these practical things. I'm all: wallpaper! upholstery! let's make headboards! And Dave's all: wouldn't it be nice if these things functioned? Or, it's broke, let's fix.

We make a good team.

Now, if we did it ourselves, that would really be something. But that's the other thing about a nice, brand new house: it makes you nervous to go messing around.

Decorating and stuff

2010-10-20T22:32:00.003-04:00

I've been looking at a LOT of home-grown design blogs lately, and I'm realizing that every other woman with half a design eye who moves into a new house starts a blog about its transformation. some of them have been super successful, and the homeowners are now full-time bloggers. I've been sort of storing up all these decorating posts, waiting until I could make them "right" or "decorator-y," and I mentioned to my friend Sara the idea of a spin-off blog to track the design process in the house. She very tactfully suggested that what is interesting about a person like me blogging about decorating is where these efforts intersect with life and family. Smart cookie, that one. And I have to say, after ODing on all these blogs, many of which are amateur hour (sorry, that;s mean), it was a terrible idea indeed. I'm obsessed with sourcing the perfect runner for the kitchen right now, but this, too, shall pass. It is a big part of how I'm spending my time right now, and it is an utter delight to settle in to such a great house, but really? It's not world changing. (Okay, duh.)

All that said, I'm going to stop saving my posts until they are genius design posts, because they just aren't going to be. My photography is weak and my eyes are often bigger than my stomach (meaning, my design ideas are often--make that always--bigger than the realized projects). So here it comes. My obsessiveness. I'll try to put it out there is fits and starts so as not to scare anyone away. Anyone left, that is, after my supremely spotty blog record these past few months!

What I Learned From Decorating a Rental

2010-10-20T09:50:00.001-04:00

By the time we moved to Boulder, I had been a homeowner for 10 years, living for 5 years in each of two Brooklyn homes. I took decorating them very seriously (despite an utter lack of budget). When you're settling in to a place that you own, there's this idea that you need to get it just right because it is permanent. Of course, the upside is that you can do whatever you want without asking permission: Calypso Blue living room? Sure! (Did it in Park Slope when Dave moved in). Paint the vinyl tile in the kitchen? Of Course! (Did it when we moved out of Park Slope). But there is an inherent freedom in decorating a rental. It is temporary by definition. In Boulder, we knew we would be in that house for one, maybe two years before moving on from Colorado or settling down and buying a place there. While I knew that it didn't make sense to invest much in decorating a temporary place, I'm also not a person who can just live in an unfinished space, so I went to work making it feel like home using (mostly) things that I had.

And you know what? Just by easing up and playing it fast and loose (SO not my usual style), I learned some great lessons that I have brought into our new, "permanent" home. The main thing, of course, is to trust what you love and to try not to worry too much about what it is "supposed" to look like. Believe me, this was a HUGE lesson for old rule-follower me.

I started this post a month ago with so many "lessons," I got kinda overwhelmed. So lets consider this the first in a series. Who know is there will actually be a second.

Create Drama
Most rentals don't have much in the way of dramatic architecture or fabulous features. Create them! In Boulder, the girls were sharing a pretty tiny room, and to create visual interest and give a bit more separation to their sleeping spaces, I hung a $19 mosquito net from Ikea over Clio's bed. Instant drama.

While our new house has loads of light and great space and good, simple choices in fixtures and is really nothing like a rental, it is something of a clean slate: white or gray walls, pale wood, no flourishes, doo-dads or whimsy. The dining room and kitchen are one big room in the middle of the house, with somewhat awkward lines. The room, where we spend an awful lot of time, needed drama. To anchor the space, I turned to Ikea again and hung this enormous chandelier.

It's not to everyone's taste, but it's hard to deny that it offers some drama (a real conversation-starter, too!) Now, I love coming in the front door and catching a glimpse of this around the corner of the stairwell.

I love sitting underneath it's largeness. I love that Eleri calls it "Big Ball" and that Clio says it looks like snowflakes (I think so too.)

And it didn't even take all that much to convince Dave!

Big Girl Bed

2010-10-18T21:44:00.004-04:00

This was almost another second-child milestone that went un-photographed but, at the last minute, I dug up the camera, feeling a bit guilty.

Eleri has been wanting to move on from her crib for ages, but we didn't want to do it in the midst of other big things--bigness, if you will--and we had the move, a trip to Illinois, school starting, visits from Grandma and Grandpa, bouts of strep throat, and so on and so forth. Finally this weekend I was able to dash off and (thanks to my mom and her SUV), bring home a new bed for Miss Eleri.

Frolicking ensued.

I love how much Eleri loves this, the way she announces "MY bed." or "Sleep in my new bed tonight." I love that she's content to stay in it (so far.) I love that, in the morning, I find her smashed against the wall, laid out along the short end of the bed and that she actually fits that way.

I love that, the absolute moment I leave the room from tucking them in, one of them says to the other "guess what?" and then goes on with whatever bit of gossip or joke, as if to signal they are equals now, in their equally twin sized beds. Bigness, you know.

I especially love that, after the excitement died down a little, Clio cocked her head to one side and said, "you know what I think we should do?" What, I asked. "I think we should give the crib to baby Oliver."

This is, indeed, exactly the plan, and for these last days before we dismantle it and help my brother get it to his house, I will look forward to Eleri pointing to it where it still stands in their room, and saying "baby Oliver. Sleep. In it."

Uh oh. I feel something coming on. I think an ode to the Stokke sleep system might be next.....

Chutes and Ladders

2010-10-16T20:58:00.003-04:00

There is an awesome playground out near my brother's house. We took Clio there, without great success, when she was 2. We returned a few weekends ago with Finn and Lucia, and the whole thing was a much bigger hit this time around.

Especially for Dave.

Hiding

2010-10-16T20:50:00.003-04:00

Eleri doesn't very much love all of our rules these days. Mostly she expresses this by hitting, though sometimes she diversifies with some biting or pinching. Last night she threw a wine glass--that was quite a crash. Apparently, though, sometimes a girl just needs to get away from it all. And that's where the laundry room comes in.

I would say that of all the rooms in the house, the laundry room sees the least action. I'm in there regularly enough actually doing laundry, but no one else seems to have much reason to go in there. Making it the perfect place to hide.

I found Eleri there, or, to be accurate, I found her feet there, the other day.

See her?

Do you?

She didn't love getting caught.

But somehow I avoided her usual gesture of displeasure, and I walked away without being smacked in the face.

On a completely unrelated side note, I'm thinking of "wallpapering" the laundry room with all of Dave's old concert posters. Thoughts? It's all blond wood and pale grey walls, and this maximalist is itching in all that minimalism.